


Far Away but Finding Home

by JungTaco



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, M/M, dragonrider!jongdae, not too romantic actually, warning: animal cruelty, warning:mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 11:52:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12432273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JungTaco/pseuds/JungTaco
Summary: Yixing meets a peculiar traveler in ragged clothes and a backpack full of stories, and his life doesn't turn upside down, despite the plethora of strange people he meets.





	Far Away but Finding Home

Isn’t the world weird? Associating things with their fortune when there is no correlation between the two. Maybe people want to feel important, and maybe they like to dream, things for which I admire them, of course. It would have never crossed my mind that something like a rock fallen from the sky would bring me luck, but it’s interesting to think about. Or dragons soaring in the sky... They are both extraordinary things, aren’t they? You don’t see them every day, especially nowadays. I wonder if people looked at the one who first came up with this funny. Or maybe there wasn’t one person who said it, maybe they were ideas born in people’s minds, nurtured by their wishes and dreams. I don’t know why I’m thinking about these things... Maybe because I wish people would think I brought them good fortune as well, not death and disaster.

 

*

 

As their train zoomed past the scenery, it seemed like they weren’t moving at all, with the calm sea and the sky, still like a painting. None of them paid too much attention, lost in their insignificant rambles. In a few days, maybe a few minutes, they won’t even remember what they were talking about, such is the life of human beings. A little frustrating. But they learned to deal with it. Or maybe they were never bothered by it. Although there is a high chance that at least one individual in the billions, trillions that ever lived on earth thought about it in their lifetime. Who knows?

But did it matter? People tend to remember the beauty of the moment, the context of their existence at certain moments, those who are most important to them. And Yixing would definitely remember how his eyes absently at first followed the dark, winged being on the bright sky, distracted by his friends. He then realized what it was that he was watching.

“Guys!” he leaned forward towards the window, millimeters away from pressing his nose against it. Like a kid yearning for something in a window shop. He felt like one. “Do you see it?!” His mouth was hanging open, but the others were too busy looking at the creature to make fun of him, each sporting their own comical expression, each tailored differently to fit their different reaction. Rarely were there any humans to have identical feelings regarding one thing. One dragon in this case.

“Holy shit…” One of them muttered. “I’ve never seen one before.”

“I think I did. When I was little… but I might have dreamt about it.” Another boy added while all of them were watching as the creature was disappearing from their visual field. But much behind the dragon and much further away from them, fading in the horizon and barely visible was something else. Something like a train was crawling through the clouds towards an unknown destination. Yixing squinted, following it closely to make sure it was not his imagination. Only after he knew it was real he told his friends, who had returned to their seats.

“Look at that!”

“What is it again? Did it come back? Oh!...”

Luck is something weird in which some people don’t even believe, but one would have to have an exceptional way of thinking if in a situation like this one they couldn’t see how lucky they were. That would be the case if the things they had witnessed hadn’t been contradictory in their perception people had upon them. A sign of blessing and fortune followed immediately by one of misery and death. Was it destiny? Maybe not. Or maybe yes. It all depended on what each of them saw.

This time there was no immediate verbal response, all of them a little too shocked for that, some of them unbelieving. The feeling was short and temporary, despite its intensity and their awareness of such events occurring at the same time and the privilege to feel so special. They didn’t forget it, but let the memory sink in the back of their heads. They were to rummage later maybe, find it, dust it and bring it to light for a few seconds, take pride in it and then putting it back, not uncherished.

 

That would happen under normal circumstances.

 

 

Everything felt oddly peaceful from then on for Yixing. The events that followed, including the miraculous sightings, felt like one of those dreams that seem so real when you’re in the middle of them, so much you couldn’t even conceive that they weren’t real, but as soon as you woke up you have no idea how you could be so stupid.

 

They talked and laughed about unimportant things and they reached their destination. What follows might seem to be of little importance and boring, but leading to the beginning of this story, to what really triggered the events that changed a few lives - maybe too few to really matter - it must be mentioned. Also, taking into consideration the previous statements, it was everything but boring.

Being there to celebrate Yixing’s birthday, they headed to a small, empty restaurant by the beach. The little place became loud as soon as they stepped inside, as they felt happy and lucky that Yixing’s relative - neither his friends nor I know exactly their blood relation - offered them this privilege. The restaurant was closed during this time of the year, but he was happy to make an exception for this bright group of people and one more person.

The presence of a stranger was something Yixing didn’t take into consideration and certainly didn’t expect at this time of the year, but it was not at all unwelcome, at least not by him. The stranger gained several weird looks from his friends, not entirely subtle but not entirely unfriendly either, mostly curious. But their reaction was somehow understandable, since the unknown person wasn’t someone you’d expect to see at all, wherever you’d be. Surely, he had felt their gazes upon him, but he minded his own business, excepting a few moments his eyes fell upon Yixing. He couldn’t help but allow his attention to be attracted towards the newcomers when a round and jolly man welcomed them warmly and loudly, wishing Yixing a happy birthday.

The stranger then couldn’t help but steal glances at the group of friends from his corner, and gradually his attention started to focus more on them than on his food. But he was subtle enough so that they didn’t catch on that, maybe besides the birthday boy, whose gaze met his a few times. The stranger believed the boy even smiled, but it was probably not intended for him anyway.

Despite everyone having noticed his peculiar appearance, they were loudly and boisterously discussing this and that, matters that were seemingly not too important, which left them no space for even some hushed remarks about him. Some of them continuously stole some glances at his long hair and old clothes. Yixing took notice of his shabby boots and dusty trousers, but what attracted his attention was the fluffy, red scarf, whose color contrasted with the rest of his outfit. He was evidently a traveler. If his clothes didn’t give it away, for sure his bag, looking heavy and in concordance with the rest of his appearance, sure did. Among occasional remarks to his friends and more or less absent chuckles at their antics, Yixing could feel a sense of wanderlust blooming in him, but it was quite easily ignored.

When their food arrived soon enough as well, the atmosphere grew strange, but Yixing was sure that it was just him realizing it, or rather it wasn’t the atmosphere that was strange, but his little wish to be closer to the stranger in the room. Kyungsoo, who was sitting quietly – compared to the other boys – opened his mouth, seemingly willing to say something to him, something of more importance maybe, but when Jongin called his name he lost the train of his thought and he never returned to the matter in cause. Yixing decided to try to do the same and focus on the things close to him, like the steaming dishes laid before them and the conversation taking place all around him. He considered it luck that the owner took a seat right in front of him replacing the image of the mysterious traveler with his sparkly eyes and red face and occupying his thoughts with bubbly inquiries.

How was his life? How was his family? How was work? Did he have a girlfriend? All simple questions, but difficult to answer, and he tried his best to respond to them. To his relief, the elder did most of the talking, like they sometimes do. And although his responses were as generic as they could get, the man seemed pleased nonetheless. He nodded at his every sentence and from them he formed more questions to ask, more topics of conversation, and soon everyone joined in, talking and laughing, and the atmosphere was pleasing and close to exhilarating.

It was time for the most important part of the day, the cake. Although Yixing considered it just part of everything, not anything too special, only one more moment to add to the collection that formed today. Not to say he didn’t enjoy it. The elder brought the cake with a proud smile spread on his face and he was also the one to start singing. Shortly he was followed by everyone except Yixing himself and the stranger, who was just watching them with a little smile, preparing to pay and leave. From the corner of his eyes, while posing for the photos Tao insisted to take, Yixing noticed him leaving the money on the table and heading towards the exit. The song had ended in time, so without any hesitation this time he went after the stranger.

“You should stay for the cake!” He told him upon reaching him, right just before he touched the door handle. Surprised, the traveler turned to him, then he smiled.

“I don’t want to be an intruder any more than I have been until now. Happy birthday!”

“No, you must stay for cake!” Sehun insisted from his seat at the table.

“Yes, we’ve been rude enough ignoring you until now.” Yixing continued, his warm smile pleasant and inviting, and the traveler couldn’t refuse him.

“Alright, if you insist...” So he allowed himself to be dragged back into the warmth by these stranger’s words.

Kyungsoo, had offered to cut the cake himself, because it was the least he could do for the chubby, friendly man in exchange for the delicious, free food. He offered his seat next to the celebrated boy with another welcoming smile before they proceeded to introduce themselves.

“I take your name is Yixing.” The traveler cut him off before he even had the chance to speak, then he chuckled instead, nodding. His friends had given him away, and his was the only name the stranger, Jongdae, had remembered, despite unfamiliar and so very much not Korean. “Nice to meet you.”

The title of ‘stranger’ faded away as soon as he sat down amongst them. Although Jongdae didn’t intend to talk about himself, he quickly found it was impossible as he was immediately attacked with a flurry of questions, that seemed to have been stuck on their minds for a while, now having the chance to escape.

But he slid through the questions without allowing a clear image of himself to form in the others’ eyes, not completely intentional. Where is he from? Seoul but it feels like I’m from all over the place. Where are you going? I’m not entirely sure. What do you do for a living? Oh, this and that. How long have you been traveling. Who knows?

Although Jongdae wasn’t saying much about himself actually, they knew his being was dripping with stories to be told and adventures they couldn’t imagine, and although he doubted it, Yixing hoped the conversation would lead to that kind of stories. Interesting people couldn’t hide what made them interesting for too long, at least it seemed like that. But spending the evening there eating cake, drinking champagne and talking, the only ones to get more talkative were Yixing’s friends, and despite the newly acquired pink tint on Jongdae’s cheeks and his giggly smiles, he couldn’t and probably didn’t want to talk about himself. Not to say that the boy didn’t find him interesting anymore, quite the contrary.

“You’re the third strange thing we saw today.” Tao told Jongdae at some point, laughing between sips of alcohol. “I mean, not strange in a bad way.” The other raised his eyebrows in surprise and curiosity. He had been called strange before so many times and he didn’t consider it an insult anymore. Many people he met didn’t mean it in a bad way, only watching him intrigued, examining him and wanting to discover what this stranger in ugly clothes had been through. Sometimes, he’d offer glimpses of what they were looking for, but it took quite some time to persuade him. Slightly less with children. Sometimes, they would make such specific inquiries that he couldn’t help but find them endearing and respond to them, finding himself talking more than he had wished to. They would sometimes ask him about his scarf, starkly alive against his otherwise almost monochrome, earthly clothes, despite the slightly faded shade – It’s so colorful and soft! But it doesn’t match you! - about his old broken watch – Why don’t you throw it away? Was it your father’s? Did he die? - about how he traveled – Train? Plane? Did he ever see a dragon? – he would place his finger in front of his lips mysteriously at that one, which made them gasp.

“We saw a train in the sky while we were on our way here.” Tao continued.

“Riiiiight.” The others remembered. “I thought it wasn’t real... I’m still a little shocked.” Jongin spoke, looking at the rest of the group for confirmation, to see that they were all feeling the same. Then he looked at Jongdae, who didn’t look as surprised as he had expected, only smiling slightly.

“You don’t believe us, do you?” Yixing asked, and the other shook his head immediately.

“No, I do believe you. I’ve seen it too actually. I’ve seen in quite a few times before as well.” The group of friends stared at him, eyes wide in confusion and disbelief.

“And aren’t you afraid?”

“Of superstitions? Not at all. And you shouldn’t be either.” The others looked at each other with skeptical looks on their faces, but partly wanting to believe him.

“Then we saw something else.” Yixing continued. “But maybe...” he hesitated, despite Jongdae’s intrigued gaze. “Maybe our eyes played tricks on us after all.”

“No way, that really didn’t look like a bird...” Sehun added, and even Kyungsoo nodded in response. “Besides if we saw that train... A dragon isn’t that improbable either.”

“A dragon?” Jongdae’s eyes grew wider.

“Amazing isn’t it?”

“And how did it look?”

“Have you really not seen any in your life?” Yixing asked, meaning to ask much more this time, seeing how Jongdae wasn’t so keen to talking on his own initiative. The slight dizziness the alcohol induced helped a little as well.

“I have actually... plenty of times I could say.” He smiled while everyone else gasped, including Yixing.

“Wait, really?” The boy looked at him, jaw dropped and speechless, and Jongdae chuckled, nodding. For a moment it felt like he was surrounded by a bunch of starry-eyed children, some more skeptical than others. Amused, he felt like he owed them more of the story, but he couldn’t give it all away, at least not now.

“Baby dragons are adorable.”

“No way.”

“Sorry but I don’t believe you this time.” Kyungsoo chuckled, but Yixing was still looking at him with stars in his eyes.

“I’m not joking.” He added, looking back at him. “But you shouldn’t risk approaching them. They may be harmless but their mother is not. I’m still alive though.” He chuckled.

“How? Did you approach them?” Yixing raised his eyebrows, intrigued by the story he wasn’t fully told. Sometimes Jongdae told newly invented stories, the stories one might want to hear, not the real ones that might be underwhelming sometimes. Sure, for him, who had lived them, they were always more than enough. He didn’t consider he needed too much adventure in his life. Every day going from place to place filled his life with moments he couldn’t necessarily call palpitating, but they were the kind of moments that he wanted. Although sometimes mishaps would happen, and he could just embrace them as they came.

“I was younger back then and when I saw them I simply thought they were cute and wanted to feed them. I never thought that their mother would want to feed me to them.” Jongdae laughed, seeing how Yixing was paying close attention to him. Probably the others as well, but seeing his awestruck expression filled him with satisfaction and amused him slightly. “You should have seen them, they crawled to me and let me pet them and hug them. Stupid of me to do that. They had just hatched I think. They were so small and cute and they sounded like baby chickens.” Jongdae was smiling thinking about them, remembering their tiny limbs clinging to him. Certain parts of the story did in fact happen. “Then I heard something flapping above us, followed by a roar. I looked up and saw their mother, flying towards us, so much bigger and imposing, and angry.” Yixing’s eyes were glued to him the whole time, absorbing the half-lies with his whole being, which made Jongdae feel only a little guilty for that. But he was simply decorating his story with more words and a few more events that he came up with. Everybody does that. Writers do that all the time and no one seems to mind, right? He was doing what Yixing subconsciously demanded. “She had had some dead animal in her mouth, and she let it drop. It spluttered against the ground, bloody, and I couldn’t see what it was exactly, but I knew it could very well be me. I assumed it was food for the babies. I saw her scales flash in the sunlight for a brief second when she darted towards me.” Jongdae took a small break to sip from his champagne and to gather his thoughts. He didn’t really know where he was going with this. He mostly never knew, he rarely told the same story twice, and this was one he had never told before. Looking at the rest of the listeners, who were mostly quiet this time, he could tell that they didn’t believe him, but that’s alright.

“And you survived that encounter unharmed?” Kyungsoo asked, suspicious smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I never said I was unharmed.”

“He probably has a scar that he’s hiding.” Tao added jokingly, but without any malice in his vice whatsoever.

“Yeah, I probably do. And I won’t show it so easily. You’ll have to earn it.” Despite him playing Tao’s game, Yixing was still waiting for the rest of the story, not doubting that what Jongdae was telling was the truth.

“So what happened next?” He asked, cheeks flushed and eyes alert, his reaction endearing and earning discreet chuckles. Thanks to the alcohol and Jongdae, he wasn’t aware of his effect on his friends. The traveler wished his mind could focus properly so that the story created was long enough, interesting enough for Yixing.

“The next thing I felt was the dragon’s talon in my flesh, sharp and painful. It hurts just remembering it.” His face scrunched up as if in pain. He couldn’t help but look back at Yixing as he was talking, as if the other boys’ presence didn’t matter anymore, for either of them. “She clutched my shoulders hard, dragging me away from her babies. My clothes were torn and probably some parts of me too...” Yixing gasped, terrified, brows furrowed as he imagined the horrifying experience. “Then she dragged me from them, threw me a few meters away, but not very high luckily. I managed not to break anything though. She was standing between me and her babies, guarding them. Of course, there was no way I’d try to go near them again. She was glaring at me, she was furious. I was trembling and I could barely move because of the pain, but the only thing she wanted seemed to be me getting out of there quick.” Yixing’s eyes had widened impossibly as he waited for the denouement of the story. “Then she roared at me and I saw her flapping her wings. She wanted to come after me. I got up somehow, even if it hurt as hell, and I ran away, not looking back. Well, more like... wobble away.”

“And did she just let you go?” He asked, expression mostly unchanged.

“Hmm... that’s too easy. Are you sure that’s all that happened?” It seemed Sehun decided to play his game, or at least pretend to. It was all the same to Yixing anyway.

“What do you mean?” Jongdae added cryptically, with a small, knowing smile.

“You’re not telling us everything, are you?” Yixing looked back and forth between the two of them, intrigued and obviously wanting to know more, but also looking hesitant.

“Well he doesn’t have to tell us everything if he doesn’t want to... I guess...” he spoke, lips forming a pout around the words, even more so than they naturally did in the first place, but the spark wasn’t gone from his eyes. Kyungsoo was looking at him, smiling softly.

“Maybe next time I’ll tell you more about the dragon.” Jongdae smiled at him as well, deciding he had enough fun. The fact that the daylight had rapidly slipped away from their world only hit him just now, and although he didn’t feel like he was interfering, maybe he should go for now. Make his mysterious exit. Seem more interesting than he actually is.

Everyone knew there wasn’t going to be a next time. They were going to part ways and continue as if they hadn’t ever met.

Yixing nodded, disappointed, but the expression quickly turned into a smile. He looked at Jongdae grateful for showing up in his life on his birthday for a few hours. He didn’t say that, he didn’t say anything, but the other smiled back.

“Well, I should leave.” He said, pushing his chair back. “Happy birthday again.” As he stood up, the others proceeded to do that as well.

“We should leave too. Ahh, the beach is so peaceful at night, we should go take a walk.” Tao spoke, grabbing Yixing’s arm, looking at Jongdae excitedly. “Come with us!”

Although hesitating at first, Jongdae couldn’t refuse them, and he especially couldn’t refuse Yixing’s gaze, which was sparkling again, even if there was no story to be told. He just nodded and, after going to bid goodbye to the nice restaurant owner, they equipped themselves with their jackets in order to face the chilly wind on the shore. Even Jongdae, who in the midst of storytelling discarded his jacket and scarf temporarily. He had thought that he wouldn’t stay for too long, so he had decided to keep them on, but it seems he was wrong.

The boys greeted the cold with various degrees of comfort, some of them wrapping themselves in their clothes, some trembling and holding onto someone. Despite the sudden change of temperature, the traveler was used to the cold, but Yixing, red cheeked and looking smaller than before in the stinging wind, seemed to be the opposite. Even so, he was smiling, walking close to him and stealing glances at him every now and again. Tao was next to them, while the others went on ahead, looking back or staggering in their walking from time to time to tell them something Jongdae could barely register. He was slightly distracted by the one next to him and by the scenery. Everything was dark around them, dark and peaceful, except for a few lights here and there, like fabricated fireflies, frozen in place, and except for the full moon hanging above the sea. Everything was cold and still, save fot the waves sliding on the shore, dark velvet fabric billowing in the wind. And of course, themselves, aliens in the middle of nowhere.

Looking at Yixing, almost staring at the shriveling boy, Jongdae felt the impulse to wrap his own scarf around his bare neck to keep him warm. But he was afraid that doing so would be out of place, so he tore his gaze away from him, but not his ears and his mind.

Neither of them can remember what they were talking about, like we don’t remember details from the books we read or conversations from our life. But what everyone remembers is the silent shadow in the sky, floating above their heads and towards the water, slow and elegant and shrouded in secrecy despite its own nonchalant presence. Soft slivers of silver clung and dripped on the creature as it flew towards the horizon, growing smaller every second but its grandiosity not diminishing. Large and imposing, the dragon was mostly unmoving, brandishing its wings every now and again. It didn’t seem to notice them.

Jongdae was the first one to see it, although he didn’t utter a word. The other boys froze in place when they noticed the being, jaws hanging open, eyes captured by its flight. The traveler noticed how the translucent air rolling out of Yixing’s mouth and nose with every breath had ceased. The latter jumped when he spoke.

“Is that the dragon you saw today?”

“It must be...” Yixing whispered, afraid.

Jongdae pondered for a few seconds, pondered over something Yixing might or might not find out in the near future. He didn’t say anything, despite parting his lips, soon closing his mouth back.

Soon, whispers went back and forth between them, cautious and trembling. But there was no way for the dragon to hear them. It most probably didn’t even notice them, small and shriveling, insignificant existences to him, mostly. It went on its way, towards its unknown destination.

They remained silent for a while just staring in the distance as the creature was engulfed by darkness, soon invisible to them. Something on the edge of fascination lingered in their beings, something from which terror was steadily dripping away.

Mostly silent, they resumed their walk for a while, and soon, they parted. Yixing and his group returned to their hotel, leaving Jongdae behind, smiling and waving at them. Yixing lingered for a while, watching the traveler as if wanting to make sure he won’t ever forget his face, this being the first and last time they were going to see each other.

 

There was no story to be told, but there was a story to be lived.

 

*

 

He froze when the dragon’s eyes settled onto him, fiery, angry, deadly. But adrenaline took over and, despite the pain, in a few seconds he was on his feet, running without looking back. He couldn’t hear anything besides his breath and his steps on the rocky ground of the mountain. He could feel his shirt wet with his own blood and as he got further and further away from the dragon nest, the pain became more intense, shooting through his body. He scrunched his face, grinding his teeth. He could barely breathe now and his legs were about to give in. His pulse had not calmed down, but he kept repeating to himself _You’re still alive. You’re still alive. That’s good._

After a journey that seemed to take much more than it should have he reached the village he had been staying in. He didn’t properly remember much of the way towards there and how an old woman had seen him and taken him inside. It all happened quickly, and his mind and body were preoccupied with the pain that wouldn’t cease. He was panting, and when the woman told him to take his shirt off, he hesitated. Doing that would be hell for him, but she frowned and yelled at him while swiftly moving from one part of the room to the other, gathering things. A bottle of something, some bandages... He couldn’t pay attention.

He shut his eyes close and slowly took off his shirt, groaning and breathing heavily.

“I know it hurts, boy, but you have to bear with it.” She said with an impassable look as she focused her attention on his wounds, as if she was seeing nothing new, as if she had done this a million times before.

 

He woke up to a turmoil outside the old doctor’s house, and although he was afraid to move, he sat up, frowning. The pain was still there, albeit less intense than the day before. He looked out the window next to his bed, at the usually quiet village and he caught a glimpse of the mixture of emotions out there.

“How are you feeling?” The woman’s voice startled him, which sent a wave of pain throughout his shoulders and back, feeling like thousands of needles pricking him from the inside.

“I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“Are you really? I know I’m a good doctor.” The woman smirked, so different from what the young man remembered of her from the other day. “Nothing you should be concerned with now. They caught the dragon.” His eyes widened in terror and surprise. “The dragon that did that to you. So you’re safe now. We’re safe.”

“No... Did they... kill him?” He stuttered, looking outside again, trying to see better. He couldn’t find a reason for which they brought the dragon here or for which it would come here out of its own initiative, but everyone seemed to be looking at something.

“No... Not yet. What are you doing??” The woman panicked, hurrying to him as he got out of bed. In spite of how weak he felt, he didn’t let her stop him.

He stepped out into the warm morning sun, but it wasn’t at all an ideal morning. Everyone was talking, shouting, gesticulating, panicking and looking in one direction. At the end of the road flanked by houses, the dragon was being held down, tied as tightly as possible.

“WE TOOK DOWN THE BEAST!” One of the man helping holding it down shouted.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING IT HERE?” A mother shouted, almost in tears, while her child was hiding his face in her skirt, shoulders shaking. “Go inside, baby, it’s not gonna hurt you.”

Sure enough, the young man was confused by why they would bring it in front of the people? Was it pride? Was it to boast? Or to show them they had nothing to fear anymore? But more than that, he was angry. But he couldn’t do anything as he watched from a distance how the men attacked it with varying makeshift weapons. Its muzzle was tied as well, not allowing it to roar, to bite, to protect itself. Luckily, they didn’t seem to be able to penetrate its tough scale armor.

He knew if he were to speak up now no one would listen to him. He was living proof of the danger that the creature was, but he was also living proof of the humans’ stupidity. He _had_ to try to do something about it. Despite the doctor’s protest, he headed straight towards the people attacking the dragon.

“Stop! STOP IT!”

They looked at him and upon seeing the victim of the creature they were trying to kill, raised their eyebrows in confusion.

“What the hell are you talking about? The beast is dangerous!”

“It was protecting its babies! It wouldn’t attack anyone just like that, why would you do this?!” He could feel the rage bubbling inside his body, and although the more tense he became, the more intense the pain grew, he didn’t care. He was imagining those babies, alone and unprotected. He wasn’t sure where all these feelings surged from, sudden and powerful, but it wasn’t fair.

“You were stupid, but so are our kids. How would you feel if we let it go and the next day one of those children died?”

“Look at me, am I dead? It could have killed me, but it let me go, god damn it!” He was getting angrier every second especially seeing how a few men close to them were laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re young and stupid, boy. You’re trying to protect the beast that was going to kill you. You were probably almost dead. Consider yourself lucky that you got away with only that.” He pointed towards his bandaged torso. Arguing about its babies would be useless now, probably even dangerous for them. Arguing about anything with these people would be useless.

“You’d better try to help us figure out how to kill him.” The man said, and the young man looked on horrified. While he spoke, the man shoved a dagger into the dragon’s eye, a muffled scream following it immediately. The animal writhed and attempted to toss and turn, its still free tail swinging violently back and forth. Strings of blood dripped down its face and it was so much suffering that he couldn’t stand looking anymore. Without thinking about it, he punched the man in the face with a furious cry, falling to his knees short after because of his own wound.

 

“Are you insane, boy? How can you even ask me this?” It was the middle of the night, and the young man couldn’t fall asleep. The memories from that morning had been replaying on his head over and over again. He had to do something more, and he knew he couldn’t do it alone, so he woke up the doctor.

“Please... the dragon did nothing wrong, I was just stupid.”

“I’m not helping it. Plus they barely hurt him. What do you want me to do? Kiss it and cradle it to sleep?” She answered bitterly, lying back down and turning her back to him. “Go back to sleep. You shouldn’t move so much. What will your mother say when you go back home?”

Without any other word, he returned to his room, but only for a little while, until he considered the woman might have fallen back asleep. Then he sneaked into the kitchen, grabbing a knife, and then out of the house, as quietly as possible, heart thumping in his ears. He was afraid, of course, and a few times he asked himself if it was really worth trying to do this, but he didn’t turn back. He headed towards the dragon, which seemed to be sleeping in the same spot as before, firmly tied down, its body almost completely covered in the ropes holding it down.

Trying not to imagine the worst case scenario, the young man approached the creature carefully. He stopped a meter away from it, watching its sleeping face for a while, before walking around it and proceeding to cut the ropes. It was harder than he had expected. They were strong and his blunt knife barely seemed to have any effect. In addition to that, his attempt in remaining soundless was unsuccessful. His effort intensified the pain in his body and he couldn’t help groaning. He hoped that at least no other human would hear him, although he doubted that would happen. But that was one of his last concerns.

One of the first ropes snapping gave him some motivation to continue. The dragon also didn’t seem to be waking up any soon, at least not in the beginning, but around the time he had finished half of the work, he noticed a slow movement out of the corner of his eye. The dragon’s head was turning towards him, although it couldn’t really see him from that angle. Its tail swung lazily, not threateningly a few times, and he just continued.

When the dragon’s front legs were free, the young man stepped aside, in case it was going to attack him, but instead, the creature just waited patiently. Then he went on, until the animal was completely free. Slowly, it stood up, wobbling a little and turning towards him, lowering its head in front of him, the sight of dried blood reminding him of the scene that morning, and also of the fact that its muzzle was still to be freed. So he did that as well.

He didn’t know what to expect, his heart was beating anxiously as he watched the dragon’s face closer and closer to his. He was almost shocked when it nuzzled his cheek, almost as if it was thanking him. Its breath was warm and somewhat comforting. He petted its muzzle, sighing in relief and allowing himself to smile.

“Go to your family. And never come around here again, ok?”

And so it did.

 

*

 

Yixing told himself that he could take a few days off for himself that weekend. At least that’s what his friends would have liked to hear from him, despite the fact that it was one of the most unrealistic thoughts the young man could have had. But somehow they managed to convince him, so that day, he found himself alone in his hotel room. Although his friends did have to return this time around and a faint sentiment of guilt was expectedly born, he found this relaxing. He almost couldn’t believe that such a quiet place was in the same world with the busy cities they were used to.

He had spent the majority of his day alone, in his room or on the balcony, staring outside, at the never-ending sky and the clouds on their journey.  He couldn’t help but remember the last night’s occurrence, which made him both shiver and smile. He tried imagining the creature from that time spreading its wings against the light blue backdrop of the day. He couldn’t even tell exactly what color the dragon was. Golden? Yellow? Probably something close. He imagined it growling, and the thought was enough to convince him that he didn’t ever want to actually live that experience.

He was sure that once he would return home, he would begin doubting himself, his own eyes and memories. It would become his vivid dream. It felt like one even now. But being inside it, he felt as unreal as what surrounded him. Or rather what surrounded him was as real as him.

When he noticed something on the horizon, he really couldn’t tell which seemed more fit anymore. He froze yet again, not taking his eyes off the dragon – the same dragon – flying closer. The beach had been deserted all day and there were little to no customers in the hotel. Even so, it seemed impossible not to attract anyone else’s attention. He couldn’t be the only one now staring at it.

He slowly walked towards the railing, clutching it as if he was in danger of being swept away if he didn’t secure himself. As is approached him from the sun, which was now beginning to sink in the sea, he could see its orange, almost golden scales, each reflecting the light like a myriad of coins and the spread of its wings, large enough to engulf a human if they were to wrap around them. He imagined its talons, sharp and strong, could shred anyone with no effort.

The macabre train of thought was forcibly interrupted when he heard a whistle coming from beneath him, from the beach. He looked over there only to see a familiar figure, which, under usual circumstances, would have been a pleasure to see. Like this though, it was mostly confusing and worrisome. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the creature diving down towards Jongdae. Yixing gasped and held his breath until the dragon landed peacefully next to Jongdae. To his even greater surprise, the man was petting its muzzle affectionately while the dragon nuzzled his hand obediently. He looked so small in comparison, but that didn’t seem to matter at all. The animal, no matter how much it tried to descend to his level, still had to bend down quite a bit to reach him.

It took Yixing a minute or so to get over his initial dread. When his heart managed to beat normally, he thought that the image was rather endearing, although the situation was still potentially dangerous in his eyes.

Jongdae seemed to be talking to it. He could hear his voice, faint, carried by the wind towards him, although he couldn’t distinguish his words. Yixing froze again when the dragon moved its head slightly, its deep, black eyes seeming to stare him down. Feeling his pulse quickening again, he took a step backwards. He intended to return to his room, maybe hide under a blanket, but then Jongdae raised his gaze to where the animal was looking. His brows raised as he wasn’t expecting to see Yixing ever again. Jongdae waved at him, but the other didn’t respond, and the former could imagine why.

“You can come down here.” He shouted. “I swear he isn’t going to hurt you!” His smile turned into a grin, and confusion squeezed between Yixing’s fear and surprise.

Jongdae’s smile faltered a bit, but he was still determined to make Yixing come down. Now that he had the chance of seeing him again, he couldn’t afford to waste it. Yixing shook his head, staring at him. He could now just return inside, but he didn’t want to. If he were to be honest with himself he wanted to go down, he wanted to talk to Jongdae, he wanted to pet the dragon, but he probably shouldn’t.

“You don’t have to come close to it!” He shouted again. “I swear nothing will happen to you!”

“...You... you come here!”  His voice faltered and the first word didn’t come out as loud as he wished it did, but he was busy focusing on the dragon’s actions to be embarrassed about his stuttering. “Room 105!”

Jongdae smirked imperceptibly.

“I don’t need the number and you might wanna go inside... and close the door of the balcony!” And so he did, gulping as he could imagine what the other was going to do. When the door was closed, Jongdae wasted no time and climbed on the back of the dragon, petting the cold, hard skin. He barely said a word and the creature spread its wings and soon took off, slowly because of its weight. Yixing watched in amazement, through the parted curtains, clutching onto them, unable to control his tremor. He held his breath as they got closer. The dragon’s eyes seemed to follow him, but as they approached, they didn’t seem malicious in any way. It floated gently towards his balcony, allowing its master to hop over the rails. Jongdae was elated, almost giggling as he turned his back to Yixing for a few moments to pet the dragon’s muzzle, before the creature descended back onto the beach.

Now looking at Yixing, Jongdae waved, his entire face under the effect of a beautiful smile. Yixing didn’t think it, but he definitely felt it, and now that he could barely breathe again, he carefully opened the door, letting him in. Once he stepped inside, Yixing closed the door again, but not before he peeked outside, to see if the dragon was anywhere near. It wasn’t, of course.

“Don’t you think... he’ll scare people?” Yixing clumsily asked, now facing the other.

“What people? No one is around. Besides you I mean.” He chuckled, and Yixing wanted to be angry, but found himself unable to. There was just something akin to a concerned frown on his face.

“Who knows? You yelled so much, sometimes must have surely seen it.”

“This bed sure is comfortable.” The traveler seemed not to have heard his words as he lied down with a pleased sigh. “I’ve been flying so much and my back is killing me. Yeol is not really cozy to sit on.” He laughed, while the other was standing there, stiff, watching him.

“Yeol?...”

“That’s my dragon’s name.” Jongdae’s smile disappeared after he noticed that Yixing was still scared, and he sat up. “I’m serious, he doesn’t hurt people. He’s been with me since he was a baby. He’s never even scratched me.”

Yixing bit his lip, glancing to the window, as if expecting the creature to break it anytime and barge inside. He didn’t notice Jongdae’s expression saddening. He really didn’t want to waste this opportunity. He didn’t want to let go of Yixing so easily.

“Was all you said last night... true?” Jongdae blinked, keeping silent for a couple of seconds.

“Not... entirely...” he responded quietly. “But-“

“Of course... I mean, it couldn’t have been.” Yixing’s cheeks were slightly brighter, not as bright as they had been the day before though. “I shouldn’t ever drink...” He muttered to himself, looking down embarrassed. Now that he thought about the recent events he realized how gullible he was. It shouldn’t have mattered so much, it was just a story, a fake one, but a story.

Jongdae pondered over what to say for a minute. Yixing was obviously upset, although the traveler couldn’t tell if he was mad at him specifically.

“It’s fine, this has nothing to do with yesterday, but... how can I believe you saying he won’t hurt me? I mean have you seen how huge his mouth is?”

“Yeah...” A tiny chuckled escaped him. “Impressing, right? He was so small...” Yixing raised an eyebrow, eyeing him. “Sorry...” His usual red scarf was still wrapped lazily around Jongdae’s neck, but because of the heat in the room and his own temperature rising due to this slightly embarrassing dialogue, he took it off. He was surprised when Yixing sat down next to him.

“So was _anything_ real about that story?” Jongdae’s relief grew when he caught glimpse of a smile, which disappeared before he could make sure it was really there.

“In fact yes. The only thing that was not true was... well, me.” The other’s eyebrows raised in confusion. “It was a story... someone else’s story...” He continued smiling. A story all too familiar. “A friend of mine lived through all that. My story is way simpler. Luckily no dragon mother hunted me down.” This time around, his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I kind of became their mother... Sorry for lying.”

“It’s ok. It’s not a big deal, and I have other things to worry about right now. Like my new friend having a dragon as a pet.” Jongdae could tell Yixing’s smile was a little forced.

“I honestly thought I could convince you to have a ride.” The other’s eyes widened as he stared at him. “But you’d obviously rather not, so I guess we can just settle for walking.”

“Can we settle for staying inside instead?” Jongdae nodded as he laughed. Despite the lack of alcohol and flushed cheeks, he still found Yixing adorable, although he didn’t want to scare him further.

So they did, and they did that humanly usual thing when they started talking about different things, jumping between topics and feeling like they were becoming less and less strangers to each other and even almost friends, despite getting to know each other just through little things, seeping just slivers of each other’s. That spark in Yixing’s gaze had somehow reappeared, although milder than before, and Jongdae could tell he was admired for whatever reason, and once again, Yixing reminded him of the children that looked up to him with hopes of future adventures, journeys and acts of heroism. Of course, Yixing was still an adult, maybe even older than him, and he could also tell the young man was trying to care a little less and to ask a little less than what he actually wished to know.

Nudged by Jongdae to talk, Yixing was keeping to himself even more than him, under the excuse that there was nothing much to talk about. Despite disagreeing, Jongdae didn’t press any further. He had spent a couple of hours in Yixing’s room. There were moments of silence which they didn’t seem to find anything worth to fill them with and in which Jongdae felt like he should go, but Yixing would ultimately say something and made him stay. There seemed to be something more on his mind that he couldn’t or didn’t want to voice, but he at least wanted Jongdae to stay there more. Or maybe it was just his imagination. Even so, he stayed a little more each time, until he deemed the time too late already. It was now dark outside, and as if just now Yixing realized how much time had passed, he was suddenly concerned of where the dragon could be or what it could be doing. He was hoping no other human had seen it or, more importantly, that it hadn’t seen any other human. Remembering its gaze on him, he shivered, but Jongdae didn’t notice it.

“Yeah, you should go take care of...”

“Yeol.”

“Right.”

Yixing blinked when Jongdae opened the door to the balcony, having forgotten that he didn’t need to take the stairs or the elevator. The waft of cold air made him shiver. Like the last time, he stood behind as they waved at each other.

“Oh... Yeol fell asleep.” Jongdae spoke as he looked down, not loud enough for Yixing to hear him, so he continued to watch him and wait for the dragon to appear. “He fell asleep.” He said a little louder, turning his head to Yixing. “I kinda don’t want to wake him up.” He laughed, before adding at seeing Yixing’s concerned face, “I was kidding, don’t worry.” He turned his attention back to the animal, whistling and watching it slowly blink its eyes open and stretching its neck to look at him sleepily. It had remained just under Yixing’s balcony, not having bothered to move.

Yixing could hear the flapping of wings before he saw the creature ascend to their level. He watched Jongdae climb its back and petting it gently before waving to him again. He hadn’t told Jongdae when he was going to leave, and neither did the latter, so he was a little concerned that this was really going to be the last time they saw each other. Even so, he had a feeling that it wasn’t like that, probably because their simple goodbye, but what more could they have done anyway? They barely knew each other for two days anyway. Besides that, it usually happened like that in life. Unlike movies, people usually aren’t aware when their last time seeing someone is. Saying goodbye was probably easier like that, without the weight of knowing that they won’t ever see each other again. Both of them thought that.

As he watched them drift away on the chilly air, Yixing regretted he didn’t even ask him where he was going, where he was spending the night. If he was spending the night somewhere, that is.  When he considered they were at a safe distance away, Yixing stepped out on the balcony, watching them land. Jongdae was smiling, talking to Yeol while he descended, walking along the sea shore, without glancing back at Yixing’s room fortunately. The dragon was walking beside him, like a faithful pet. So much so, that it was almost cute.

Maybe if it hadn’t been so cold, he would have stayed there more, gazing at them, but he soon returned inside. He immediately noticed the red patch of color from the corner of his eyes, on the bed, Jongdae’s scarf.

He wondered if he would eventually realize he had left it behind and return to retrieve it. He should. He was pretty much always wearing it, and he should feel the difference without it, especially now. Even so, after waiting for a few minutes, Yixing grew restless, a little guilty and a little excited. He glanced outside. He could still see their silhouette in the distance, so maybe he could still catch up to them.

Without thinking further, he quickly put his jacket on and hurried out, locking the door behind him. In less than a minute, he was on the beach, yet again shivering in the cold. He started to wonder if Jongdae had done it intentionally, taking advantage of him just a little and convincing him to come down like that. He couldn’t help a little smile as he walked forward, buttoning his jacket. It didn’t help much. He thought that if he walked faster at least, he would warm up.

After a minute or so he was still too far away so Jongdae wouldn’t be able to hear him even if he shouted, so he continued his walk, offhandedly wondering how it would feel if he were to wrap that scarf around his neck. It looked warm and soft, and he probably smelled like Jongdae. Embarrassment crept in at the thought, even though it was still nice to think about. He smiled to himself a little as he approached them.

He shouted his name from a considerable distance and stopped when Jongdae turned around, smiling and not at all surprised. He said another few words to Yeol before walking towards Yixing, the creature only turning around to look at him, but not stepping any further. Instead, it just sat down on the sand, eyes reflecting the moonlight. It looked peaceful and beautiful even though it didn’t seem to belong to this scenery.

Jongdae thanked him as he received his scarf back, placing it around his neck again.

“So you did come after all.”

“I could have kept it. Weren’t you going to come back for it?”

“Not really. Not too soon at least.”

“What if I were to leave tomorrow?”

“But you’re not leaving tomorrow, or at least not first thing in the morning, so I knew I’d get it back. You weren’t in a hurry to pack your stuff after all.” Jongdae gave that kitten smile of his, which almost made Yixing forget what he was about to say.

“So you knew you left it behind.” He squinted his eyes.

“Yeol is dying to meet you properly.” They looked back at the creature, whose tail was lazily swinging as it waited patiently. It blinked softly at them. For such a fierce creature, it was surely obedient.

“Are you sure I won’t be the one dying?...” Jongdae laughed at this. “No, but I won’t force you.”

“I could... I could try...” Yixing responded quietly, almost too quietly for the other to hear. He looked at him for a while.

“Are you sure?”

Now Yixing thought that he shouldn’t let his fear stand in the way, at least not too much. He had heard lots of stories involving such creatures, some wilder than others, and while stories must have a grain of truth to them, they were just that. This was real life, although he wasn’t sure of what that meant anymore.

“Of course not...”

Jongdae seemed to give him a pitiful smile.

“Don’t give me that face.”

“What face?”

Yixing sighed, “...Anyway, are you sure you were the one who raised him?”

“Of course I’m sure.” He chuckled. “I’m not lying anymore, I promise.” Certainly, Yeol did whatever he told him to and never showed any sign of violence, any sign of... being wild.

“Ok... Why is his name Yeol though?” Yixing couldn’t help but notice that it sounded a little unfitting for a dragon. Not flattering for a supposed fire breathing beast, not inducing fear. He hoped that was the reason for which the name actually wasn’t so bad.

“I named him after someone...” Jongdae hesitated. “But it’s a long story. Maybe I’ll tell you some other time.”

Yixing nodded and he was taken aback when he felt Jongdae’s hand around his. He was smiling again as they started walking forward, and for once, Yixing was calm. The dragon was watching them as calmly as ever. Its gaze settled on Yixing when they stopped in front of it, even when lowering its head a little when Jongdae touched it. Then it was Yixing’s turn. He raised his hand, stopping it midair for a few moments. He was startled when the creature moved its head closer to him so that it touched his palm.

“He likes you. I mean he likes most people, but still... I guess he really is my child. I’m going to tear up.” Jongdae commented jokingly, and Yixing chuckled. He felt nervous, but not afraid anymore, as he pet Yeol. Its skin was cold and coarse, but its eyes were closing gently, and it reminded him of a kitten. But it was so much more than that. A few days ago, he wasn’t even sure such creatures existed, but today he was touching one. It was thrilling and contradictorily peaceful.

Yixing found himself smiling as he admired the animal, that was still swinging its tail slowly. Now that he was so close to it, it looked even bigger, but it was not as intimidating anymore, its gigantic wings at rest, lying on the send, its chest rising and descending with its every deep breath.

At some point, its tail lazily moved towards them, coiling around the two almost protectively. Jongdae was grinning, leaning his head against Yeol’s cheek while Yixing was bubbling with excitement, although he didn’t believe he showed it. His face gave it away though.

It was all like a shard of a dream, so different from his actual life, a dream that he would never discover fully, despite knowing for sure that it existed, it was there. It was in the dragon’s wings and mellow gaze, in the traveler’s old boots and in his scarf, in the sky above, the sky he would never reach, in the unending sea. He decided that the glimpse he had was enough for him and that his memories would be his keepsake.

 

*

 

The young man didn’t want to have anything to do with the people who were going to be, most probably, angry at him. It wouldn’t be hard to tell who was responsible for the escape of the creature they feared so much. So in several hours after sneaking back into the old woman’s home, just when the sun was beginning to rise, he disappeared yet again, not without regret. He had no way of repaying the doctor, since his backpack had been forsaken when he met the dragon for the first time, and he even had to steal some of her food. He hadn’t even thanked her for taking care of him, and he doubted they would meet again. Even his attempt to find some paper and something to write with was unsuccessful, so he gave a silent goodbye while she was still asleep and went on his way.

By the time the morning light was basking everything in gold, Baekhyun was walking on a dusty road, surrounded by grass and wild flowers, the village far behind him. He was headed for the nearest train station in order to get back to his hometown, and there was quite a distance until then, and he couldn’t ignore the fact that he didn’t have any money on him. But he figured he’d somehow figure it out.

What was supposed to be a vacation ended too quickly and in a way he hadn’t expected, but he didn’t completely regret it. He was even more convinced of that when he noticed a winged silhouette flying above him. He couldn’t help a little smile at seeing the dragon enjoying its freedom, or at least having regained it and being able to take care of its family.

He was taken aback when the animal descended slowly, landing right in front of him, several meters away. The blood from the previous day had been washed away, but the scar remained, ugly and painful, and Baekhyun wished he had done more. They stood there, looking at one another. Although the young man wanted to approach her, he hesitated, still not sure if he had fully gained her trust. But he wasn’t afraid this time. What could she want from him?

Baekhyun watched the dragon as she approached him slowly, as if she was as hesitant as him. When she stopped before him, like the previous night, she lowered her head, nuzzling his cheek. He gave a small laugh and patted her head, relieved and finding a strange warmth growing inside him. He had just befriended a dragon.

“I guess we’re friends now.” He grinned, while the animal moved, as slowly as ever. “You should go and take good care of your children, ok? I’m sorry for what they did to you... it’s all my fault.” Even though she wouldn’t understand his words, he felt the need to say them, he felt that it was only fair. He eyed her with surprise when her muzzle barely touched one of his shoulders gently, letting out a soft, rumbling sound. “Are you... apologizing right now?” His hand continued to move along the coarse skin. “Such a good girl... I’m alright. I think you suffered more than me.”

Then the creature turned so that her side was facing Baekhyun and lowered her entire body, almost lying on the ground in front of him.

“Now you like me so much you don’t want to let me go home?” He laughed, understanding her intentions when she moved her head, in a way signaling him. “Do you... want me to get on your back.” He asked, looking her in the eyes. She waited patiently while Baekhyun pondered his decisions. With a smile, he proceeded to climb her back, careful not to make her uncomfortable, though when she rose, it seemed like he was as light as a feather to her.

Suddenly, he panicked, the realization of what was about to happen overwhelming him. When she spread her wings, it was too late for him to change his mind, so he held onto her as well as he could, stiff legs pressing against her body.

“We’re... really doing this I guess...” Baekhyun held his breath as they left the ground after a few flaps of her wings. He watched as they were getting further and further away, clinging to the back of her neck. Luckily, she didn’t seem to mind. He wasn’t particularly scared of heights, but he was bound to be frightened when he was on a dragon’s back, with nothing to keep him in place besides his own arms and legs.

He closed his eyes as she kept ascending, and when he felt she finally stopped gaining altitude, he opened them again, gasping as he looked down. He was growing dizzy, but he couldn’t help but look at the path he had been on just a minute before, winding like a serpent through patches of green. The view was simple, just like almost any other landscape painting – those were always beautiful, but probably not too special seen in real life – but breathtaking as they flew slowly above it. The beginning of a forest, a few hills visible on the horizon, sprinkles of colors, blinding sun, a few lost, fluffy clouds. After a couple of minutes, Baekhyun relaxed, finding the wind in his hair liberating, and he couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought she had started flying faster. But he wasn’t as scared this time, not clinging to her anymore, but still wary of her movements.

“Where are you taking me, girl?” he whispered more to himself, since she couldn’t respond anyway.

Soon enough, he realized she wasn’t taking him to an unfamiliar place. It was the place he hadn’t intended to visit ever again, but now here they were, landing next to her nest, placed just near a pond and hidden from the world by the forest. He hadn’t had the time to properly look around last time, to see how peaceful this all was, how harmoniously the creatures fit there. He still felt a bit of an outsider.

Her three babies were watching them, crawling excitedly towards their mother and cooing. Seeing them, he couldn’t help a smile, but this time, he kept his distance from them. He wouldn’t want to break the trust he had just built. Although he still wondered why she brought him back to this place.

He watched as their mother gently pushed the babies towards their nest with her muzzle, after that turning to him. Surprised, Baekhyun tried to resist when she began pushing him towards them as well, but eventually he gave in. He looked at her, hoping he would get some kind of answer, some kind of reason for her actions, but then she simply flew away, leaving him there. She was going to return, of course. He presumed she just went to search for food for the little ones next to him. He giggled to himself, sitting on the cold grass next to them. It was weird maybe, but he felt honored he was allowed to be so close to them. He wondered if she considered him one of her children now, although she seemed rather too intelligent for that.

Sitting there and watching the babies cooing and playing with each other, the matter slowly slipped out of his mind, unresolved. He still didn’t dare to touch them. Two of them seemed to have a miniature fight, which was actually more of a cuddle session, while the third looked tired and uninterested, eyes almost closed, blinking slowly, like a sleepy kitten.

The sun was lazily traveling its daily route on the sky, and Baekhyun seemed to have spent about half an hour there, attempting, in vain, to find proper names for the babies. Nothing he came up with seemed to fit them. The names were either too mundane or too fancy for his liking, and he couldn’t find anything in the middle, he couldn’t find the balance.

“You’re all so cute and you’ll become so majestic soon.” Baekhyun smiled and just continued to watch them, having nothing else to do unless she returned. He could only talk to them, pretend they understood him. They probably didn’t, although one of them looked at him with his big, dark eyes, tilting his head curiously. The young man looked back at him, observing his much smoother skin and his wings, so small on his back in comparison to his mother. They seemed so fragile. Of course he got that scar on his body. He would have done the same in her place.

“Do you know why I’m here, little one?” He poked his nose with one finger playfully, laughing at how the baby struggled to look at his finger, cross-eyed and confused, mewling. When Baekhyun tried to pull away, his still powerless talons grabbed his finger and kept in in front of him as he stared at it. When the young man thought he was going to try to eat it, he heard distant voices from beyond the trees. Some faint steps, some rumbling. Baekhyun instinctively shushed them, although of course they wouldn’t understand his gesture.

The steps were approaching, and he tried to remain as soundless as possible while looking around for a spot to hide themselves, unable to find any. Distinguishing their words was hard, but whatever they were looking for – they probably wouldn’t have any reason to be here, other than to look for something – he knew they shouldn’t discover them.

He stayed as still as possible, and even his heart seemed too loud to him. As if they knew, the babies didn’t make any sound either, the one that had previously grabbed his finger staring at him curiously. Luckily, the men didn’t show themselves, and the sound of their voices weakened more and more until it disappeared entirely.  He waited some more until he finally allowed himself to sigh in relief. They were safe for now.

He watched as the dragon baby crawled out of their nest and climbed in his lap. Well, there was no turning back now, it wasn’t his fault. The animal lied there, confused, and looked up at him. Right then, Baekhyun saw their mother from the corner of his eye, returning, holding something that terribly resembled a dead animal. She dropped it next to the nest before landing.

“Oh, you came back. We were having a bonding moment.”

Baekhyun couldn’t really stand seeing the poor dead animal being shredded and fed, so he decided to walk around instead, still trying to figure out why he was here. He spotted his backpack after a while, a pleasant surprise after having completely forgotten about it. He went to retrieve it, finding out that it was still intact. When he was about to turn around, he felt a nudge and he jumped, surprised. When he looked back he saw the dragon looking at him. She seemed to have something to ask him, a request that he was afraid he wouldn’t understand.

 

*

 

When Yixing woke up the next morning, he didn’t realize someone was waiting for him right on his balcony. And he continued to be oblivious for a while, until he finally glanced out the window. He jumped a little when he saw Jongdae smiling at him, but quickly opened the door and let him in.

“Why?... Don’t do that again!”

Jongdae laughed, not seeming to regret his action at all, not unless Yixing frowned at him. He knew he wouldn’t be mad at him for too long, but he apologized.

They spent the day almost the same as the previous one, staying inside nearly the entire time, finding out that they enjoyed each other’s presence even more than yesterday. Some things were out of the way, some things were forgotten,  but there was still one thing on Yixing’s mind now, and he found himself caught in a certain thought a few times, unable to pay attention to Jongdae, who had started to open up a little more, tell him real stories. Or at least that’s what he said, but the other believed him. If Jongdae realized this, he didn’t address it for now.

“Does your offer still stand?” Yixing blurted out at some point.

“That’s what you were thinking about all this time?”

“Sorry…” he said with a little smile.

“It’s ok.” He chuckled. “But I don’t know what offer you’re talking about.”

“The… riding the dragon thing.” Obviously, Yixing was still hesitant and a little scared, but this time not because of the creature. Last night he had realized that his fears were unnecessary. He felt safe next to Jongdae and Yeol. Even safer than he normally felt every day. That morning he had trouble distinguishing the events from last night from his own dreams, and he still wasn’t sure he solved that matter.

“Oh!” Jongdae processed the idea for a few moments, as if to make sure he heard him right. “Of course!” It was his time to grin like a little kid and look at him excitedly. He jumped to his feet, immediately ready to do anything Yixing wanted.

“Now?”

“Of course!”

Yixing looked at Jongdae as the latter grabbed his hand and proceeded to lead him towards the balcony, and he gulped.

“Wait...”

The traveler looked at him with a combination of surprise and disappointment in his eyes, and maybe fear that he changed his mind. “I’ll take the stairs. I’m... Uh... What if I fall or something?”

“I wouldn’t let that happen, but... ok. Let’s take the stairs.” He smiled relieved and headed for the usual exit of the hotel, earning a few strange looks from the personnel, especially the receptionist, who probably wondered how someone as peculiar looking as Jongdae could have entered without her noticing. But luckily, she didn’t ask any questions.

Weird how people were so close and yet it felt like they were so far away from the beach they walked on last night. It felt like it was a world away.

The dragon was lying on the sand, but immediately rose when he saw them heading towards him.

“You have to be nice to our guest today because Yixing is gonna fly with us.” Jongdae said as he petted Yeol’s nose. Yixing couldn’t tell if he understood or not and he couldn’t hope to. “Are you sure though?” He turned to him, concerned. “You look scared.”

“I’m not... Ok, I am a little. But I’m not scared of him.” He gave a weak smile, looking at the animal. “Not anymore.”

“Are you afraid of heights?”

“Not exactly. Not more than a usual person.”

“Then you’ll be fine.” Jongdae held his hand, and Yixing felt a little calmer thanks to his warm grip. He had a tad more courage now.

When Jongdae looked at the dragon, he lowered himself again so that they could climb, a low murmur-like sound coming from his throat, something resembling a purr maybe. It wasn’t at all menacing, how Yixing imagined any sound coming from such a creature would be. Jongdae climbed easily, and although Yixing watched him closely, he didn’t believe he could copy his actions. He didn’t even know how to begin. The other extended his hand for him and, after some struggle, he was there, right behind Jongdae.

Instinctively, he clung to him, holding him by his shoulders when Yeol rose to his feet. He let go immediately, realizing he had had no reason to do that, muttering an apology.

“Oh, no, it’s ok, hold onto me. I wish I had someone to hold onto when I first did this. He took me by surprise too, I wasn’t sure he was going to fly with me.” Although Yixing couldn’t see his face, he could hear the glee radiating from him, the smile he was sporting. That, again, was comforting.

“Did you ever fall? Or hurt yourself?”

“No. Yeol is a good boy.” Yixing watched over his shoulder as he petted the animal, who was getting ready to take off. The majestic spread of his wings surrounded them. He imagined how much strength they had, being able to carry such a heavy being. “And I was scared enough not to do anything stupid which could get me killed. And I think you’re the same, so don’t worry.”

As they took altitude, Yixing held onto Jongdae once again, but trying not to cling too much. Denying himself that was pretty hard, especially as he watched the beach growing farther and farther away. His hands were trembling a bit around Jongdae’s waist, and unfortunately, he seemed to have noticed because the former soon felt his hand over his. It didn’t have too much of an effect besides making him fell more nervous, not any less scared.

They were going higher and higher and if Yixing had looked back he would have seen the windows to his room small in the distance, and although he wanted to, he couldn’t. He could barely move, barely turn his head. He took in the sea, golden in the light of the setting sun and the empty beach, and he felt the wonder of it all seep through the cracks in the fear that was still overwhelming him. Despite his better judgement, he slid closer to Jongdae, tightening his grip around him, closing his eyes for a bit and almost burying his face in the back of his neck. He pulled back a little, realizing that it only made him dizzier, both being unable to see and Jongdae’s faint scent.

He was pretty sure he was blushing, but the other didn’t react in any way to his actions. That was probably a good thing. His hand was still on his, a warm weight he was welcoming now.

They were sliding slowly on the chilly breeze, but he wasn’t cold at all. The adrenaline rush that was now dissipating gradually didn’t allow him to be, but now he felt he could relax.

“How is it?” Jongdae’s voice startled him, and he chuckled at that.

“It’s... freeing. Beautiful.” He had never felt like this before. “The world seems so small from up here that... it feels like nothing matters anymore. Like... nihilism, but less dark.” He began to realize why Jongdae seemed to be so relaxed about everything, so lighthearted.

“You’re right.” The other laughed. “If you put it like that I guess.”

When Yeol turned towards the sea and they started chasing the sun, Yixing briefly imagined what would happen if they fell into the water. He had still plenty of work on that positive mindset.

Of course Yixing panicked when Jongdae pulled his hands away from his waist, but he calmed down when he saw the other turn towards him, moving so that they would be face to face. A huge smile lit his face.

“I wanted to see your reaction to all of this. I should have done this since the beginning, but now it’s kinda late.” Yixing was now trying to hold onto the dragon’s scales at least, praying that he wouldn’t hurt him in any way.

“We’re not actually going somewhere, are we?”

“No, not really. Just a short flight.” Yixing felt the need to brush Jongdae’s wild strands of hair from his face. He also suddenly wished he could see him with his hair untied, floating in the wind, but he doubted such request would be fit. He settled for just gazing at his eyes, crinkled with happiness, even if he had to squint to look at him because of the sunshine.

But Jongdae could see him clearly. His eyes were glued to him and he was grinning, not even sparing a glance at everything around. There was so much to see, but he was only looking at him, which made him fidgety, and there was also a slight sense of guilt there. Yixing couldn’t help but steal glances at the sky, at the sea, at the wings helping them soar through this world that seemed so different from his own. It was his first time, he knew it was natural, but he also needed some more time to look at Jongdae.

When he looked at him again, his smile was not faltering. He was radiating with excitement and Yixing didn’t know what great deed he had done to deserve this chance, to fly on a dragon in the presence of this person.

“Are you always this happy when you’re flying?” He couldn’t not smile seeing him so elated, and a part of him didn’t want to believe - or rather it couldn’t – that he was part of the things that made Jongdae feel like that.

“Close to it. Not as much as today. I never flew with anyone before.”

“No? Did no kid actually reached the point of asking you for a ride?”

“They did, but they either started crying in the middle of it or I refused because what would I tell their parents? _Hey ma’am, I’m going to fly on the back of a dragon with your kid for a while, do you mind? Maybe you should join us!”_

“I mean even I got scared...” Yixing laughed.

“See?” Jongdae smiled at him as Yeol seemed to slowly be changing the flight direction. Yixing looked back and seeing the shore further away than he had expected he froze for a moment. He didn’t realize they had come such a long way. He began to wonder what traveling the world on the back on this creature felt like. He imagined it was freeing, a hundred times more than just this one flight. Also a hundred times scarier. He couldn’t help but shiver at the thought.

He imagined Jongdae must have noticed this, because the next moment he was taking off his scarf, and before Yixing could protest, it was wrapped around his neck warmly and safely.

“Are you not-”

“I’m not cold if that’s what you were going to ask.”

Yixing opened his mouth to protest, but the scarf was cozy around his neck and it smelled like Jongdae and he figured he didn’t really mind. He scooted closer to him, smiling gratefully, although Jongdae probably couldn’t see it, since Yixing covered his mouth with his scarf.

“Why is his name Yeol? Who was he named after?” Yixing asked after some time of silently gliding through the air.

“I didn’t know him personally.” Jongdae’s smile changed now, he didn’t seem as happy anymore. “I probably wouldn’t have met you if he didn’t…”

“Oh…” Yixing regretted asking about it, but he was even more curious now. He didn’t say anymore though, continuing to wonder what Jongdae’s relationship to this Yeol could have been.

“His name was Chanyeol. But it’s a long story. Maybe I’ll tell you later.” The other didn’t ask if there was a _later,_ but he doubted it. He just nodded in response.

While looking at Jongdae, Yixing barely realized how much they were ascending. He was surprised when he suddenly noticed white flurries passing by them carried by the wind. The sky had been perfectly clear. He didn't think much about it though, not until one seemed to cling to him as if it were alive. Without too much thought, Yixing shook it off and looked at the strange, small clouds more attentively. Even more strangely, some of them clung to Jongdae as well, to his clothes and even to his face, thing that made him giggle. The other blinked in confusion at the creature-like pieces of clouds that seemed to have lost their way. One of them stuck to the scarf he was wearing, blocking his vision partly with its translucent body, which was surprisingly holding together, not dissipating, not turning into water like he had expected. It was stubborn, almost like a child, and Yixing hesitantly tried to touch it, to grab it. He felt a slight resistance against his fingers, a weak force, not cold, but a bit warm even, which made Yixing realize this was far from a cloud, and although not knowing what it was, he had surely never seen anything like it before. The little thing didn't seem to want to let go too soon, and he tried touching it a few more times, poking and turning unsuccessfully like a kid seeing something for the first time. Looking at Jongdae, he noticed the young man still grinning, apparently playing with the creatures - they felt alive somehow - clinging to him as well, only they were more numerous, whereas most of them seemed to avoid Yixing. The latter found himself giggling at the sight of Jongdae and at, yet again, discovering something he had previously not even believed existed, despite the confusion. He could barely contain his curiosity, which was threatening to spill, but he kept quiet for a while, only watching the other. He couldn't help but remark how at home he looked, how much he belonged here, to this almost other world, of which at least he wasn't afraid anymore. Oh, if he knew of it before... He had the feeling - no, it was a certainty - that there was much more hiding, much more to be discovered. Not by him. He felt like thinking of it like that would be selfish. Maybe he wasn't even supposed to know of it, maybe that's why so many didn't know in the first place. They were not supposed to. He thought that maybe this was a mistake, he had no place here, he was an intruder. Even so he couldn't remember the last time he felt this happy, this carefree. It was as if his life was left behind, in another universe, so far away he could barely remember it, he could barely remembered himself, the Yixing living it.

Besides this, when Jongdae looked at him every now and again, it made it feel like it was alright for him to be there. And he felt like any explanation would spoil the moment, and maybe even if Jongdae would tell him anything, he shouldn't inquire any further, because it would all shatter, like a dream barely remembered when you first open your eyes, completely forgotten after you blink. Once again, nothing felt completely real anymore, but even if it was too good to be true, Yixing didn't want to think about it, he just wanted to live it.

"I see you made a friend." Jongdae yelled over the roar of the wind, pointing to the little one who still didn't let go, the only one brave enough.

“I see you’re a dad now.” The other laughed while the cloud-like creatures were wiggling around him. His eyes paused on Yixing questioningly, and the latter returned his gaze.

“A few minutes ago you were clinging to me, but now you seem so used to everything. Are you hiding something, Yixing?” His smile didn’t falter while he was talking, but the other young man still couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

“I don’t think I’m interesting enough to have things worth hiding.”

“Are you not curious about anything? I would have had a lot of questions if I were in your place. I assumed you either know everything or you don’t care, but if you say that it means you don’t care.” Yixing’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. “I knew that was not it.”

“Then can you tell me? What are these things? And are we really not going anywhere? Because Yeol seems to be heading in a certain direction, or is that just my impression?”

“We’re in fact visiting someone. I thought you might be afraid to come with me, so I didn’t tell you...”

“Where...?” He felt like he was getting deeper and deeper into a beautiful and intriguing unknown, and indeed that made him afraid, but also excited. It was a kind of excitement he had only felt many years ago and which he probably wouldn’t get to feel again. “Now you’re the one hiding things.” Even though Jongdae had been doing that since they met and that would usually made someone hard to trust, it only made him want to stay by his side more, until he got to discover those things. He scooted closer to him when Jongdae didn’t respond immediately, sporting that friendly but mysterious smile he always seemed to have. As if he had a big surprise ready for him, but none was revealed yet, maybe except him showing up in his life. “I thought I was fine with not knowing too, but now I’m really curious!”

“This might still scare you...”

“You brought me here, convinced me to ride a dragon, you can’t just not explain things because you think I’ll get scared... even if it’s true.” Yixing was somewhat thankful his face was partly hidden, because he was pretty sure he didn’t want Jongdae to read his emotions, to see how curious he now was and how scared he might be and how embarrassed he gets sometimes. Even so, the fact that this time the other seemed to hesitate and show some other emotions was satisfying.

“This will be much to take in... but I’ll tell you.” He remained silent for a bit. “These are human souls, Yixing.” The other needed some time to process what he had just said and as he did that a flurry of those creatures flew by them, carried by the wind, some of them clinging to them, others just letting themselves be taken away.

“Are you... serious?”

“I am. What happens after death isn’t so bad after all, it seems.” Another pause followed, neither of them sure of what to say, although Yixing knew Jongdae had much more to explain. Some questions popped in his head, but he didn’t know which ones he should ask, so he just waited for the other to continue to speak, staring at the soul that had been holding onto him.

“We just lose our memories and become free I guess. Free of anything that might imprison us in our lives. I don’t know about you, but that’s more relieving to me than eternal sleep.”

Despite really wanting to know, Jongdae’s voice barely reached Yixing through the haze of his thoughts, and as he registered the words, he realized his feelings had been right, these _were_ living creatures. Or had been at least. But he couldn’t shake off the thought that they still seemed quite alive, only lacking form and many other things that made them humans, barely conscious of their own existence. He couldn’t tell for sure, but judging by the way they seemed to like Jongdae, it looked like they were at least somewhat conscious of the world around them.

He began to wonder how it felt, imagining it liberating, somehow like this evening felt for him, only much more intense. Or maybe intense wasn’t the right word, but something that was the opposite of it.

“We’ll be meeting someone.” The young man focused his attention back on him. ”He’s my friend, he’s... you’ll see.”

As Yeol cut through the chilly air, the cloud of souls was getting denser as they scurried by them, carried nowhere. So much so that they formed a sort of mist around them, through which they could barely see.

“But where is he?”

“He’s right here.” The little souls holding onto him were washed away together with the others, and they didn’t make any effort to resist them.

“Right here?...” Yixing looked towards where Jongdae pointed, peering through the haze, unable to see anything at first. Soon though, when they approached a little more, he could see something forming, getting clearer. It took him a few moments to realize it was a train, and when he did, he gasped. It was the train he had seen on his birthday, this time up close. His feelings back then were merely a ghost of the ones the train gave him now. He continued to stare at it until they got close enough and the mist dissolved enough for him to take a clear look.

It seemed real and so ordinary, but not out of place, and he was beginning to believe he wasn’t either because of that. They were now so close that if he leaned a little to his left he could touch it. He felt a strange urge to do so as he watched through its windows, or more exactly through the spaces where they were supposed to be. He was surprised to see that the white flurry of souls came actually from inside the train. Or they were going inside of it?

“He carries them here.” The other commented, and Yixing didn’t look at him this time, too fascinated to take his eyes off them. They had no bodies, no faces, no voices, and even so, they seemed so happy, so peaceful. He couldn’t explain to himself why he felt it was that way, but it just seemed right.

“Your... friend?” After a signal Yixing didn’t catch, the dragon sped up, flying faster than the train. When they were next to the locomotive they slowed down again. Yixing didn’t have time to imagine what kind of person this mysterious conductor was. He was yet again surprised to see someone that looked about his age, smiling at them.

“Ohh, you brought a friend! That’s new, I wasn’t expecting that.” He, too, looked extremely ordinary, despite his clothes, the attire of a conductor from an epoch Yixing didn’t get to live. A clean, black, old-fashioned conductor uniform and white gloves. The somber clothes contrasted with his joyful face, youthful looks and uncovered hair slightly disheveled by the wind. “Who is he?” He made a little movement with his head in Yixing’s direction.

“This is Yixing, my friend. Yixing, this is Baekhyun. He takes care of everyone.” Too enraptured with the new acquaintance, the young man didn’t return Baekhyun’s greeting immediately. The latter himself took a closer look at Yixing, scrutinizing his features, intrigued, a little frown bringing his brows together. That, though, only lasted for a couple of seconds.

“Now, I don’t take care of _everyone._ It’s not just me doing this, you know.”

“I know. But what you’re doing is still important.”

Yixing quietly listened to the word exchange. The two seemed to have known each other for quite some time, but he didn’t dwell on that, instead focusing on this person’s occupation, which, as well, made everything seem normal. The way Baekhyun was talking made it even sound mundane, but nothing could hide how extraordinary this all was, especially to him.

“Thanks.” He smiled to Jongdae. “Anyway, I’m glad to see you made a friend.”

“You talk like a mom with a lonely son.” The other chuckled. “It’s true that people don’t really like to befriend a weird dragon rider, except kids. It was kind of a rare occasion.” He now spoke to Yixing. “I’m glad you came.”

“I’m glad I came too. I... I’m still a little shocked about everything. I suppose... I’m not allowed to tell anyone about this, right?” Baekhyun chuckled at his assumption.

“There’s no such rule. It just so happens that people like things like this, things they can’t really explain, to be a story. They pretend to believe them, but they don’t really do, despite their genuine fascination. They’re probably afraid that if they find out the answers their fantasy would shatter.” A pause followed. “So? How is it? Did it shatter?”

 

*

 

Having a dragon mother as a friend made him decide to, just for a while, leave behind his life and every human being. He figured everyone needed a break every now and again, and this was the perfect occasion. It was an escape, but it soon turned into a little more. Sometimes, while he was up there, far from the ground he felt more liberated that he had ever been before, more like a cloud taken by the wind wherever, rather than a human being.

Sometimes, she would treat him like her own child, bringing him food and trying to feed him as she did to her babies, protect him like she protected them, but only to an extent. There were things only reserved for him, like the long flights, the generosity of carrying him on her back to quiet corners of nature. Baekhyun enjoyed the trips and her attention, although he still had to sneak back into the village every now and again, for food.

Luckily, the old lady wasn’t too mad at him, and even if she was, her kindness prevailed. He felt profusely indebted to her, always telling himself that he would have to pay her back for everything. His wounds, too, were healing quickly, and despite the scars, he soon forgot about the remainder of her anger’s memory on his body. He was grateful for surviving, and they were, after all, an interesting story to tell.

“Ahjumma, do you believe in superstitions?” he asked one day.

“Some of them.” She responded as she handed him the food that had already been packed for a while. She was expecting him. “Why? Did you break a mirror?”

“Thank you. No, nothing like that. But I might have seen something that people don’t want to see usually. Like trains flying... Where did that even come from?” Baekhyun made sure to omit the fact that it wasn’t just a mere glimpse of such a thing that he caught. The lady’s expression slowly changed into a frown.

“Well, that’s not good...” her whisper was ominous, and if he were to think back upon this moment sometime in the future maybe he would say she was right. “I don’t know where this all came from, but there are stories everywhere. Not nice stories.”

“Let me guess, there’s a lot of death in them.”

“Yes, there is. You... you be careful.”

 

He couldn’t say he followed her advice. Becoming friends with the person who was in charge of the train was the second most adventurous thing he had ever done. He didn’t know what to expect when he was up there flying and something showed up next to him. A person smiled at him. He knew the stories, in fact, everyone did. But he had trouble believing them, seeing a perfectly normal looking man there, waving at him as if they were friends. The only somehow unusual thing about him, besides being the conductor of a flying vehicle, were his archaic looking uniform of sorts. Also _maybe_ his ears, but maybe Baekhyun was just being internally rude.

Regaining his composure after nearly falling off into the sea beneath, Baekhyun reluctantly waved, soon to find out the man’s name was Chanyeol and what he was doing was not at all dangerous, or at least, so he said.

Although Baekhyun wasn’t on to believe in fairy tales and superstitions, if he had the choice, he would prefer to keep away from such ominous occurrences. After all, what he had believed to be figments of people’s gullible imagination turned up to be so real and so close to him. He could touch the skin thought to be unscathed of any mighty sword, he could fly without the help of any human contraption, he could see majestic wings unfold, which so many would deem unreal. His life had turned into what seemed like faraway fantasy so quickly, that sometimes he wasn’t even sure he was alive anymore. The surreptitious escapades were what anchored him in what he considered his world, the one he would return to each time, soon enough forever.

But Baekhyun soon forgot about his previous cautiousness towards the matter. Chanyeol, with his bright, big eyes and cheerful smiled and funny ears he sometimes made fun of, looked nothing close to menacing, and although he soon discovered that he was the carrier of the souls of dead people, Baekhyun decided for himself that there was nothing to be concerned about when it came to be near his newly made friend or his magical vehicle.

Baekhyun had so many curiosities and so many things to tell him, so many things he wanted to share and be shared between them, and a part of him was a little upset about the fact that Chanyeol was pretty much always busy and he couldn’t follow him around all day. He didn’t even know where exactly the man was going, and this secrecy prevailed in front of his arduous insistences.

But Chanyeol didn’t keep everything from him. Far from it. He would think this whole matter was to be sealed away from humans’ eyes, but nothing was secret, so much so that Baekhyun started suspecting that the actual things Chanyeol didn’t allow him to know were meant to keep him in the dark just a bit, just so his humanly needs for mysterious would be fulfilled or just for Chanyeol to seem to hide some kind of darkness, to give him the impressions that he was deeper than he looked, a character he would or wouldn’t get to unveil later on. Maybe it wasn’t all that important after all. Nevertheless, it was still fascinating.

Although Chanyeol made no effort to push him away, Baekhyun noticed a certain reluctance at some point. They grew closer and closer and Baekhyun soon learnt that Chanyeol was simply a human just like him, except maybe not really just like him and it wasn’t that simple.

“I had a normal life before, so you don’t need to try to inform me about all this awesome stuff you think I don’t know about.” Despite saying that, he still listened to everything that Baekhyun had to say, no matter how silly it sounded, although he never quite talked about himself too much, especially not about himself when he was like Baekhyun, just a normal human being, with no such great responsibility. Baekhyun didn’t push him out of his comfort zone – inappropriately called so, because sometimes he didn’t even seem comfortable -  neither when he wanted to hear about his past life nor when he wanted to take just one extra step towards him or when he wanted to fling off a piece of lint off his jacket, be it imaginary or not.

He was never quite brave enough to ask why he never allowed him to get closer, always postponing the question to a later time. But the answer came earlier than that illusory occasion.

The way Chanyeol said all of it was abrupt and unexpected. He seemed like he had been holding everything back for a while, now finally bursting.

Although Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to chase people away because of his constant and recurring loneliness, his past experience with others since he was doing this hadn’t been too pleasing. It usually led to death in some way or the other. He was firmly convinced that it was because of him. Since he had made up his mind about that, he hadn’t allowed himself to touch anyone and keep as far away from them as possible. Baekhyun had already broke his rules a bit. He was already a little too close to him, putting himself in danger a little more every day.

Baekhyun couldn’t just dismiss him, couldn’t just not believe his words, which confirmed what he already guessed. He acknowledged everything, and yet, he didn’t leave.

Maybe he should have. When he realized it would have been a better decision it was too late.

When Chanyeol asked him for a favor, maybe accepting was his graver mistake.

He expected that visiting Chanyeol’s family would entice a couple of consequences. Reviving old scars. Making new ones. He was partly right, only he was the only one left to take on the pain.

When he reached the address scribbled on a piece of paper, his nervousness reached a peak. It was an ordinary street in an ordinary town, surrounded from each side by ordinary buildings, and this time around he didn’t feel like he belonged in this world. But then where did he belong? He didn’t think of that. Stopping in front of what seemed the house that Chanyeol grew in, he was trying to settle how he would approach his parents. What would he tell them? Despite having had so much time to imagine every possible scenario, anxiety pushed it all away, leaving his mind in a mess of questions and fears.

When he found himself in front of a woman, presumably Chanyeol’s mother, he still hadn’t made up his mind about nearly anything. But he couldn’t stand there all day. He had to get over this. He beat himself up when he felt relieved hearing that his actual parents had moved away, but somehow, it wasn’t a surprise. Remorse was showing on his face, but the woman translated it to sadness. He couldn’t refuse her invitation and he went in. The place probably didn’t look like back when Chanyeol was still here, but he couldn’t help trying to imagine a smaller version of his friend here. It was difficult, given the fact that he knew almost nothing of his past.

Something old and rusty was placed in his hand.

“I don’t know where they are now and I don’t have any phone number... but this was here when we moved in. I assumed the lady left it behind by accident, but I had no chance of returning it. Give it to his son maybe. If you don’t find them at all after all.” A sweet, sad smile settled on her face, and Baekhyun accepted the old pendant gladly. He figured that it must not have been so important if they had left it behind, but it was just a little bit better than nothing. He hoped it would soothe Chanyeol’s loneliness just a bit.

What he didn’t hope for or expected was an incident that probably wouldn’t have happened if he had listened to Chanyeol the first time, if he had just left, listening to everyone’s warnings. He thought it silly when the dragon tried to protect him from Chanyeol when the latter leaned in to take his mother’s pendant. Not so much when he roared and rushed at the train. Baekhyun couldn’t remember the moments clearly. He didn’t fully realize what was going on as he clung to the animal, hearing Chanyeol screaming. As they spiraled down towards the sea beneath, he couldn’t see clearly.

In the end, he swam back towards the shore. Luckily, they hadn’t flown far off, unluckily he hadn’t been able to save Chanyeol.

 

*

 

Yixing vaguely remembered how he got back on land and why there was a stranger next to him, standing a few meters away from him, watching him, almost cautiously. It was his fault, for sure, for whatever happened. Jongdae wasn’t there, and that scared him, he felt alone, but he had to focus and remember. It wasn’t hard fortunately, although it was strange, almost as if he had been in a trance, not conscious of the actions his body were taking, and barely so of the thoughts flying through his head. But from what he could tell, there had been no thoughts at all. Just a feeling, an impression that he should have just left his body do as it pleased. There was something about the train, about the peace that was absorbing everything, every noise, like a tampon. Even now, when he was thinking of it, he felt that white noise in his mind was coming back.

He struggled to now keep the control over his own body, even though now the only thing that was really out of his control was the weakness of his legs, ready to give out as he remembered the fall. He had just tried to walk towards the train, and it seemed Jongdae wasn’t fast enough to stop him. He probably shouted at him to stop, but Yixing couldn’t really tell. The fear that he should have had back then washed over him like an aftereffect. And he was alone. But he found comfort in the scarf still around his neck. Maybe he’d come after all.

He glanced at Baekhyun, who was watching him with a stern look, emotions unreadable. He wanted to lean on someone for support but he obviously couldn’t. The other seemed completely different now from the jovial person he was before. Maybe he should apologize, but he wasn’t sure it was his fault in the first place.

He felt relieved for a moment when he scrutinized the sky, seeing the silhouette of a large creature heading towards them. But the next moment he was nervous Jongdae would be angry or disappointed. It didn’t matter too much though, as long as he at least took him back to his hotel room. He had no idea where they were and all he wanted now was to return home, every second passing convincing him that he _really_ shouldn’t have accepted his invitation.

“Are you ok?!” He heard the young man shout even before the dragon landed. But Yixing waited, aware that he didn’t have the strength necessary so that he would hear him.

“I think... I don’t know.” He responded when Jongdae was next to him, hurrying to support him and, at the same time, looking over his shoulder at something behind him. He turned to look there as well, too tired to expect anything. One of the souls was there, _standing_. It was different, this one, although translucent and seemingly ready to swirl into the sky like smoke, had a human form. The forms were changing as if he couldn’t keep himself together or as if he couldn’t properly decide on the form of his face. Despite all this, the figure was familiar, very familiar. Even though he wasn’t sure at first, after watching him for a few moments, every now and then he saw those features and that gaze that he knew so well. The boy stared back at Yixing. He appeared afraid to do anything. Yixing was too, frozen in place.

“No...”

“He’s the one who saved you.” Jongdae spoke. “Do you... know him?”

“This isn’t true, is it? It’s not possible...” He looked at Jongdae and Baekhyun in turn, seeking for confirmation. “He... He didn’t die.” He almost choked on his words, avoiding to look back at the boy who was still watching him with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry...” Baekhyun said quietly, stepping closer to the ghost that was now Yixing’s friend.

Yixing hadn’t met Luhan in a while, since being in separate countries made it difficult. They barely kept in touch because of their lives getting in the way, but Yixing found himself often thinking about his childhood friend despite all of this. He refused to believe that he wasn’t living his life, the shock of seeing him here hitting harder than even the events from before. He tried not to cry but his vision was still blurred by tears when he gathered the courage to look at him. He blinked a couple of times now able to see his face clearly.

The thing that kept him together was his figure standing there, white and inconsistent, but still Luhan. He couldn’t not refuse the fact that he died, because he _was there._ He took a tiny step forward. His instinct was to hug him after all these years in which they haven’t seen each other, but anticipating the impossibility of it, he remained still, accepting Luhan’s almost imperceptible smile as solace. He wanted to pretend for a bit that nothing had happened, that he was still the same Luhan he knew, happy and healthy.

But he couldn’t completely ignore reality, and Jongdae’s hand on his shoulder reminded him of that. It also made him remember what the young man had said only some time ago.

“Did you save me, Lu-ge?...” He nodded.

“You don’t remember...” Baekhyun stated, not asked, and Yixing nodded.

“I remember some things... but not very well. Why... Why is that?”

“Maybe the presence of people’s souls was too powerful. Or maybe it was the train. Or... me... I’m not sure.” Baekhyun replied, the first time in a while showing some emotions, but Yixing was too preoccupied to catch the glimpse of guilt on his expression. “That didn’t happen to Jongdae before or... to anyone else... but again, I only know a couple of people who came close. You seemed... unaware of what you were doing and unresponsive. And you fell. Luhan caught you and took you with him inside the train.”

“Luhan?... Do you know him too?” Jongdae intervened. “Anyway, you just ran off, left me behind. It’s good Yeol caught up with you.” His tone was sharp, his eyes were cold, set on Baekhyun, but his grip of Yixing’s shoulders gentle as he supported him, even though he was beginning to feel better.

“I couldn’t just stop midair...” His excuse was weak and his voice regretful, but they knew that it didn’t matter anymore. “And no, I don’t know him. He just... let me read his memories... which he strangely still has.” He bit his lip, looking at Luhan, who despite retaining his human form, taller than all the others, now looked small and meek. Everyone’s attention focused on him now, each one of them more or less inspecting in their own way.

“You can’t talk, can you?” Yixing asked meekly, wishing to hear him speak, to feel the life returning to that almost amorphous shell.

“He can’t...” Baekhyun responded for him after a few moments of silence.

“Thank you... for saving me.” Something that resembled a smile flashed on Luhan’s face. They stood there for a while, each wanting to say something, but no one having the courage to, as if something would break if they did. In the end, Baekhyun was the one to stutter something, unsure.

“There’s something...” He bit his lip, hesitating. He felt all eyes on him, and he couldn’t continue. “Jongdae, come with me for a second.” He said instead, and the other complied only after making sure his friend was alright.

They walked for a bit, just enough for their discussion to be out of the other two’s hearing range.

Finding himself alone with Luhan, Yixing stepped closer to him. The fact that soon they wouldn’t be able to ever see each other again was so surreal, but even if he could barely believe it, it scared him. Trying to hold his tears back, his arms made a small movement as if he wanted to hug the other, but he stopped himself before he tried to.

“Did... did it hurt?” Understanding what he meant, Luhan shook his head. The reassurance might have been fake, but he hoped with all his being that he was being honest. He wanted to see his face properly, since it had been such a long time since he did, but night was falling rapidly and his friend’s features were growing almost indistinguishable. “I hope so. And I hope you’ll find peace there. I’m sure you will, I saw it...” The thought was somehow comforting, lessening is pain only a little bit.

He was taken aback when Luhan grabbed his hand with both of his, the solidity something he didn’t expect. He could still feel he could easily retract his hand from his grip, even maybe pass it through his form, but he wouldn’t do that. Although not strong, his grip was firm, not in matters of strength, but in other ways. He was looking at him, and even if Yixing couldn’t see his expression, he could tell he didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to let go of him or let go of life. Yixing placed his other hand on top of his.

“I’m sorry...”

He had almost forgotten that Baekhyun had taken Jongdae away, until the latter’s voice reaching his ears reminded him of that.

“I won’t let that happen!” They were still far away, but Jongdae spoke loud enough for them to hear this time. They looked in their direction, seeing Baekhyun return their gaze. Jongdae headed back towards them, and soon Baekhyun followed him. Luhan let go of Yixing’s hand.

“You won’t let what happen?” the latter asked when the two were next to them. Jongdae seemed angry and impatient, unable to stand still, and he apparently didn’t hear his question. Yixing grew nervous as he waited for a response. He looked over at Baekhyun, who avoided his gaze.

“Baekhyun...” Jongdae hesitated. “He’s wrong, but... he said you...” He closed his mouth and sighed as if he was struggling making a physical effort to find the right words or to just make some words come out. “He said you’ll die.”

“What?...”

“He’s wrong!” he repeated louder, but no matter how loudly he spoke he wasn’t convincing anyone. Yixing looked at Baekhyun, seeing him avoiding his gaze again, looking down, guilty.

“Why?” He asked weakly, but he knew he had heard him, and even if he didn’t, he knew he had to give him an explanation.

“I don’t know... That just happens to everyone... almost everyone. I’m sorry.”

“He has no idea what he’s talking about, see?”

Baekhyun closed his eyes and sighed, “Jongdae, I _know._ I’ve... I’ve almost been  through that too.”

“But you’re here, in front of us now!”

“That’s because someone-“ Baekhyun snapped, but abruptly stopped before he could finish. But seeing everyone stare at him was enough to convince him to continue the sentence, more quietly this time. “Someone died instead of me.” A heavy pause followed, in which Luhan took Yixing’s hand in his. “And besides... this is not much of a life anyway...” He could feel Yixing’s gaze on him as his eyes welled up with tears and didn’t dare look back at him.

Jongdae’s words had hit him like nothing he thought would ever hit him, even more painful than hearing Luhan was dead, and he was a little ashamed of that. But the shame was so vague and little right now that he couldn’t dwell on it. He realized that he had probably taken his entire life for granted before, together with Luhan’s friendship. But he had been aware of that before. What he hadn’t known was that his life could actually matter so much. Silly thought, but he had believed that he wouldn’t be so bothered if he were to find out he had an incurable disease or that someone would kill him the next day. He didn’t value his life enough and, at the same time, he valued it too much.

He held onto Luhan’s hand tightly, because he, too, didn’t want to let go.

“Yixing, you’re not dying.” Jongdae tried to reassure him, this time speaking quietly to him. His anger had apparently dissipated, concern taking its place. “How do you feel? Physically.”

“I’m... fine...”

“Let’s take you back to the hotel. I’ll stay with you, and if you’re feeling weird we’ll go to the hospital. No. We’ll go to the hospital right now.”

“No, I’m... I’m ok.” He figured there was nothing much the doctors would do in this situation. He couldn’t explain what happened, and even if he wouldn’t need to, he doubted it would be something they could figure out. All the hassle would be in vain, and it was the last thing he needed. Jongdae just nodded.

Yixing looked at Luhan when he tightened his grip on his hand and the look on his face told him that he wanted to be next to him as well. “He’s coming too.”

“I...” They looked at Baekhyun. “I’m coming too. This is all my fault, I can’t just leave.”

“I doubt that all of us will have enough space there, but ok.” He replied half-jokingly.

When they left, Baekhyun left the train behind, lying on the rocks sprinkled by the seawater, like a forgotten wreck. It was empty, and seen like that, forsaken, as they flew further and further away, it looked older. When it was small on the horizon it looked like a ruin, forgotten and filled with nothing but history.

During the entirety of the flight, Yixing clung to Jongdae almost lifelessly, feeling Luhan’s presence behind him, not in any physical way, but he just knew he was there for him. Despite the limited space, Baekhyun tried to stay as far away from anyone as possible, which wasn’t much given the situation, but everyone noticed. If Yixing had to guess the reason for that he would probably say guilt or embarrassment.

It was completely night when they got back, all of them climbing in the balcony of Yixing’s hotel room one by one. Inside was almost as cold as outside since the balcony door had been forgotten open. Once inside, the young man felt claustrophobic. He felt attentively analyzed, and it seemed that they could even read his mind being all so close. He felt anxious and vulnerable.

None of them knew what to do when they stepped into the room, maybe except Luhan, who sat down on the edge of the bed, next to Yixing.

“I... kind of need to be alone... for some time.” He knew they were just concerned, but he stated his wish, and, a little to his surprise, the others were willing to comply.

“You should get some rest. I won’t be far away, if you need me...”

Yixing nodded and Jongdae left the same way they came, together with Baekhyun. When Luhan proceeded to follow them, he grabbed his hand.

“You can stay.” He looked surprised, and the other found a tiny consolation in the fact that he could see his face properly now. He hesitated, but sat back down eventually.

They spent several minutes in silence, and Yixing discovered he felt almost as miserable as before, although it had nothing to do with his friend’s presence. He felt trapped in this room and in the little amount of time that presumably was left for him to live. He wanted to believe Jongdae, but his fear and desperation were growing. He peeked at Luhan, almost expecting him to dissolve into thin air every second now. Who knew how much time he could remain there, next to him?

“I wanna get out of here... Let’s... let’s go for a walk.” Yet again, the other was hesitant. “It’s night, no one will see you. There aren’t many people around. In case that’s why you’re worried...” After pondering for a bit, he nodded and headed outside, through the entrance door this time. A flicker of normalcy in this all craziness. Yixing suddenly missed normalcy. Funny how just some time earlier he would have thrown it away with the first occasion.

Luhan somehow sneaked behind the receptionist undetected, despite the violent light of the hallway in which he was easily visible.

Once they found themselves in the haven of the night, they walked side by side. The occasional street lights weren’t menacing since no one was around. Yixing hoped Jongdae or Baekhyun wouldn’t check on them. His heart raced at the thought, but he asked himself why he reacted like this. It was true that the thought of running away from everything had been somewhere in the back of his mind since he decided to go outside, but he knew how much of a coward he was. So why was he afraid they would find him?

While deep in thought, he didn’t realize how fast he was walking, not until Luhan tried to stop him, probably confused or worried or both.

When Yixing looked at him he remember that the two of them didn’t have much time and a sense of urgency overwhelmed him. His heart was pounding at the thought of actually running away and the eventual consequences of his actions were beginning to lose form in his mind no matter how vague they had been in the first place. He didn’t even allow himself some more time to think, grabbing Luhan’s hand and running, before he could decide to return to the hotel. Luckily the train station wasn’t far away.

In a few minutes, they reached their temporary destination, and Yixing wasn’t surprised at all at his relief at finding out there were no trains leaving too soon. At first, he doubted it would show on his face, but seeing Luhan’s smile as he looked at him he realized he was wearing his heart on his sleeve. A tiny smile played on his lips too before he sighed tired.

“Do you... do you think I’ll die?” He asked quietly, as the two slowly walked towards a conveniently placed bench. Luhan shook his head. “Why is...” Yixing stopped himself, sitting down. Luhan couldn’t talk, he almost forgot. He was startled when he felt his hands fumbling around, touching his thighs, and he only realized what he was trying to do when Luhan pulled out his phone from one of his pockets. Of course, he didn’t think of that, too preoccupied by his, or rather their problems.

After opening the memo app, Luhan hesitated before he began typing something Yixing couldn’t read unless he uncomfortably leaned in to look over his shoulder. Instead of that, he waited.

_I just don’t feel like you’ll die. Besides, what’s the probability of the two of us dying a few days apart?_

A few days apart. There were so many bottled up emotions Yixing was still struggling to keep inside, or rather that he had no choice but to keep inside at the moment.

“How did you...?” he gulped, voice barely audible. He was afraid to say the word at past tense even though they were surrounded by it.

_Hit by a car..._

“Did it... really not hurt?”

_It did... but it didn’t last much._

They didn’t say anything for a while, staring at the lifeless train rails before them. Every now and again, Yixing glanced at Luhan, who either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

“But how come you can remember stuff?” Luhan slowly turned to look at him and received the phone again.

_I don’t know... Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to die. But many people don’t want to die, so why me?_ He watched his fingers move swiftly across the screen. He seemed to have much to say, much he kept inside because there was no one to tell those things and no one to listen. But now at least they found a way. _I think I remember things even more clearly than I did when I was alive. And what’s even weirder is the fact that I remember more... I remember... things that happened before I was even born. I don’t know how to explain it..._ His fingers hovered over the phone, and Yixing looked at his expression now. He was frowning as if concentrating on something. _I remember being surrounded by thousands of yet unborn souls... and someone that took care of us... It was so peaceful, but now that I think about it, apparently being the only one to remember is kind of scary._

He seemed like he wanted to type more, but instead he let out a sigh and returned the device to its owner. Yixing read the paragraph several times, unable to believe his eyes at first. When he looked at his friend once more, he looked like he was about to cry, but of course, that was probably impossible for him to do. He looked burdened and confused.

“Maybe there’s a reason for all of this... We’ll find it out.”

_I wish we could have met like normal people..._ _Instead I died so..._ _suddenly and stupidly. I just feel like everything was so anticlimactic. Most of the things I wanted to do... I didn’t get to do them... I lived in vain and I died in vain._

“You most certainly didn’t live in vain. And you didn’t die in vain either... I can’t possibly try to convince you to see the good side of that, because there isn’t any, really... But you saved me. And I’m not one to believe in destiny or anything like that, but sometimes... things like that happen... Of course I wish it didn’t...”

_Then I wasn’t so useless after all..._

 

*

 

Luhan lost himself in the sea of colors that overcame his senses. He seemed to forget that several minutes ago he and Yixing held each other’s hands excitedly, promising each other not to get lost and be separated by the crowds, but after he pulled away for one second to scratch his nose, Yixing seemed to have been washed away by a multicolored wave. But the 11-year-old boy was too distracted this time around to panic even though he was alone.

He stood still for a while, looking around for the smaller boy, but even if he could catch no sight of him, he knew that he couldn’t have been too far away. He was sure they would find each other soon, but meanwhile, Luhan was compelled to resume his walking, otherwise he was afraid he would have been stomped down by the myriad of people scurrying around, in a rush of happiness.  At some point he looked behind him and, at the sight of the man loitering on stilts, he felt a thrill down his spine. He made sure to get out of his way and avoided any other abnormally tall men he laid eyes upon, because there were a couple more here and there.

Despite this, Luhan ended up forgetting about them, since surprisingly, they didn’t stand out all that much after all. He was mesmerized by all that happened around him, so much so that he had trouble focusing on a single thing at a time. Music flooded his ear, sometimes sweetly, sometimes making his eardrums hurt and his feet to hurryingly carry him away, soon to be met with melodies from a different source, blending in with vendors’ voices and children’s laughter. He could smell popcorn and sweets everywhere. Kids were crowding around smiling, albeit tired, men doing their magic and creating cotton candy of so different many flavors seemingly out of thin air. Luhan felt like he should join them, but just for a while, until his attention was diverted to something else.

People in traditional attire were flaunting their beauty, accompanied by music you couldn’t distinguish if you weren’t close enough, no matter how loud it was, because everything else was as loud. The world around the boy melting and merging together in a cocktail of flavors. Here and there some were dancing, limbs flailing in different rhythms, each person moving unlike any other.

Smaller groups sprinkled the crowds, each watching their own separate show. Unfortunately, Luhan was too short to see most of them. He watched in owe as flames burst above heads, wondering who everybody was cheering for so excitedly. He wasn’t able to see the man gracefully handling a pair of torches like it was nothing, letting the flames caress his skin in a terrifying but almost lovely exhibition, ultimately extinguishing them with his own breath as they were allowed inside him, inside his mouth. He danced, like a fire eating god, basking in the ovations. Luhan could only imagine the spectacle through the frosted glass of others’ words.

He walked a little more in an arbitrarily chosen direction, Yixing still in the back of his mind, but he was still not too worried. He was a bit luckier this time as he slid through a crevice among another group of people, that seemed to exist solely for him. He caught glimpse of a masked man, juggling bowler hats. It a rather silly image, and he would have preferred to take a closer look to the fire performer. The rest of the people seemed pleased though, and he figured that maybe he shouldn’t be so pretentious. His eyes were automatically attracted by the pink, yellow and blue hats in constant movement, every now and again shifting to the two holes in his mask, revealing a pair of concentrated eyes. Luhan wouldn’t acknowledge it to anyone, but he was in awe.

When the man bowed at the end of his show, Luhan stepped back, once again, becoming even smaller among the hordes heading in all directions. He wandered aimlessly for a bit, eyes on the Ferris wheel in the distance, glowing against the darkening sky like Christmas lights. Maybe Yixing would be there. He remembered how he was looking forward to riding it. Maybe they should have thought of a place to meet in case they got separated, but now that they didn’t have one  that was probably the most obvious place they could reunite.

But as he was watching the slowly rotating wheel, his focus was swayed when he noticed something above the humongous construction. A flying beast, soaring overhead, terrifying but beautiful. He could see well enough what it was. When he looked down at the mob, no one seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary, too engulfed in their own amusement. Neither did the ones in the Ferris wheel, all of them too preoccupied gazing at the tiny world beneath their feet now, taking pictures and being mesmerized. The child kept his eyes on it until it disappeared, descending into the crowd that blocked his vision, at least so it looked to him. Judging by the lack of any kind of possible reaction to such a creature, Luhan realized it was probably hidden from everyone’s eyes, outside the amusement park, outside the carnival’s small bubble. He wondered why it lent there. Maybe the person on its back wanted to have some fun as well.

Luhan felt an impulse to get there, but he still needed to find Yixing. He reached the Ferris wheel after some struggle, running when he could, avoiding rushing into people, his backpack bouncing up and down, it’s weight reminding him of another one, a different kind of burden, that he hoped he’d get rid of later tonight.

The relief bubbling inside him when he saw Yixing there burst the next moment, when he noticed the reason of his smiles and giggles. The two of them stood there as if the rest of the world didn’t exist and Luhan didn’t want to be the one to spoil that for them, the outsider. He wouldn’t allow himself to be the third wheel. His hope suddenly collapsed and none of the things around him mattered anymore, the joy gone, sucked out from every corner of this place that was supposed to be fun. He had known from before that trying to confess would be useless, but he struggled to ignore it and get his hopes up in vain.

Luckily unnoticed, he ran away through the now muted world around him, eyes blurry and concentration wobbly as he hit some people on his way to no particular destination.

“Hey, are you ok? Where are you going?” He heard a concerned voice at some point, which made him look up and realize he was about to enter the thicket of trees surrounding the park in his mindless rush. Although probably he wouldn’t mind hiding there, even though he was pretty sure no one heeded his existence.

Hitting the man threw him backwards, but not strongly enough so that he would fall. When he tried to focus on the stranger’s face he realized that his eyes were glazed with tears, which he quickly blinked away. It didn’t take him long to realize the man was coming from the place the dragon seemed to have landed, the edge of the park being particularly devoid of people. If it weren’t for that fact Luhan wouldn’t have lingered around.

The stranger crouched before him.

“Where are your parents? Did you get lost? Can I help?”

Luhan shook his head, attempting to avoid his gaze. His eyes were probably puffy and red and having him stare at him and pity him was embarrassing.

“Are you sure?”

The child nodded, and the man stood up with a tiny smile, petting his head.

“In that case, I don’t wanna bother you. I hope whatever is bothering you gets solved.” He took one step before Luhan spoke to him, stopping him.

“Was that dragon yours?” The boy watched, as amused as he could be in this situation, how the man’s expression turned into one of mild shock. But it quickly turned into a delighted and slightly proud grin.

“Did you see it? I mean, I did fly above a few hundreds of people, yes... Do you wanna take a closer look?”

Luhan tried to hide the awe sneaking in his gaze despite him, tried in vain to seem uninterested, but he nodded in response. Yixing was slowly pushed to the back of his mind momentarily and not exactly effortlessly, but this stranger could probably help actually.

“Aren’t you scared?”

“A bit...” The boy found it useless to try to hide that, since it would make the situation even more embarrassing for him. “But if you can ride it... it means it’s not dangerous, right?”

“Exactly.” He extended his hand, expecting Luhan to take, but the latter only stared at it for some time and the man gave up, chuckling. The child wasn’t sure if he really liked this stranger. But he did have a dragon. “I’m Baekhyun by the way.”

“I’m Luhan.”

“Good, we made progress.” He stepped back inside the thicket, followed closely by Luhan. “But are you sure your parents aren’t looking for you? They’ll go crazy if they find out you’re with me. Maybe you should-“

“I didn’t come here with them. I came with... someone else.” He interrupted Baekhyun as they entered the relative darkness of the trees. Although they were adorned with lanterns, maybe like a small refuge for people who got tired of the blinding colors of the festivities, leaving behind the noise and the lights was comforting and peaceful. But Luhan couldn’t quite feel the peace while, on one hand, trying not to think of Yixing, and on the other hand looking forward to see a dragon. A real dragon. What surprised him more was the fact that he wasn’t in total shock about the thought. He had an idea as to what the reason it might be. He was never one to dismiss anything, no matter how crazy it sounded, despite being called gullible all the time, which was only a fancy word for stupid really. But he did get called stupid as well, only some people were reluctant to be too direct. Yixing was one of them, but he could tell how half-hearted his banter was. He was secretly on his side most of the time. Yixing acted all courageous, but he was a little bit of a coward sometimes in fact.

All these thoughts rushing through his mind as they walked, he kept silent, absentmindedly following Baekhyun, failing to notice the glimpses the older took of him, of his dejected face.

The boy only came back to reality when he noticed the figure of an animal forming behind the trees. The lanterns were left behind, and now there was nothing to light their way besides what remained of the sunrays, having too little power right now. The creature moved its head lazily to look at them. Baekhyun walked towards it, while Luhan stopped a few feet away, eyes glued to its face. He couldn’t be too sure because of the darkness, but one of its eyes looked strange, as if it were missing.

“You don’t have to come close if you don’t want to. But just know it’s safe.” Too fascinated with the creature in front of him, Luhan didn’t see Baekhyun’s smile. “We could give you a ride if you’d like. Just... you’d better not tell your parents... But I think you wouldn’t.” Baekhyun was aware he didn’t have the best influence on kids. Never did and never will. Maybe that was why children loved him. He certainly couldn’t say that about Luhan yet, but it was probably not far out of reach.

“C-Can you?” He looked at him, at the limit between excitement and fear.

“Come here and I’ll help you hop on.” The kid hesitated but ended up walking towards Baekhyun anyway. All of a sudden, the man lifted him, startling Luhan, but successfully helping him get on the back of the dragon before he himself climbed on. “Do you wanna fly above the amusement park and wave at your friends or whoever made you cry?”

A tiny, nervous smile pulled at the corner of Luhan’s mouth.

“I don’t think he’ll be looking at us, but yeah, sure.”

“Hold onto me. As tightly as you need, though I assure you that nothing will happen.”

The boy did as he was told, making sure he didn’t cling too hard and imagining what his mother would say if she were to find out what he was doing. It was all but pleasant. His heart was beating rapidly as they took off. Suddenly all the scenarios from movies and cartoons popped up in his head when characters told each other not to look down. He never believed that made any sense and, after all, he had been on the top of some tall buildings before and that did nothing to either ease or intensify his fear. This time, though, was different. Even if the creature’s movements were mellow, gentle, he felt like he could fall off any time now. And when the altitude reached its peak, he did feel a little overwhelmed by the buzzing world beneath him.

Luckily, it didn’t take much until he grew used to it as they were slowly soaring over the carnival. The boy found himself searching for Yixing, although distinguishing anyone’s figure from such a distance and in such a packed place was nearly impossible. Besides, he was probably having fun without him, so he should do the same, should stop thinking about him, even if that was easier said than done.

“How is it?” Baekhyun shouted to cover the sound of the wind.

“Awesome!” Luhan laughed, loosening his grip on Baekhyun’s shirt a bit. For a moment he wished Yixing was there with him, and he almost voiced his thoughts, but he caught himself before the words escape his mouth.

After several laps in the air that didn’t seem to attract too much attention – probably the ones who did catch sight of them didn’t bother too much, believing it was just another contraption that came together with the rest of the festivity – they landed back where they had taken off from, with ruffled hair and feeling a little lighter.

“I still can’t believe this is real...” Luhan spoke, looking at the dragon, wishing he could see it better, but they wouldn’t possibly take it into the lights of the carnival without people either panicking or gathering around the creature suffocatingly close. “I just flew on a dragon...” He continued more to himself, lingering a bit more there after Baekhyun climbed down, awaiting for him with his hand in the air for him to grab it. He cleared his voice loudly when the boy didn’t seem to notice.

“So will you tell me why you were crying?” The man asked after they were finally back on the ground, making Luhan freeze for a couple of seconds.

“Umm...It’s nothing... important...”

“Of course it is. If it made you feel things it was something.” They started walking back towards the lights. The child looked back at the dragon, concerned if they should leave it alone there. “It’s ok. She won’t leave. And even if she does...” He shrugged. “Well, it’s her choice.”

“Does she have a name?” Luhan turned back, resuming his walking next to Baekhyun.

“No. I suck at names so I didn’t give her one. Do you have any name in mind for her?”

“Umm... No, not really...”

Baekhyun could tell that something had popped in his mind by the tone of his voice. He raised his eyebrow and looked at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah... Something came to mind, but she’s a girl...”

“So what was this name?”

“Yixing...” They stepped back into the park, and he was wondering what his friend was doing now, if he was even worried about him. He stopped there, looking around for a bit, unable to catch sight of the smaller boy anywhere, as he had expected. He sighed.

“Is this Yixing the one who made you cry?”

“Yeah... I mean no. I...made myself cry actually.”

Baekhyun stood next to him, hand shoved in his pockets.

“How? What did he do?”

The boy parted his lips to talk and blushed when the words didn’t come out. He wasn’t keen on telling strangers about this part of him – he wasn’t even going to tell his friends, not even Yixing – but looking at the other, who was waiting patiently...

“I guess I’m kinda bummed that he doesn’t really like me.” Luhan looked down, glancing at the man briefly. His expression hadn’t changed, and he just waited to hear whatever else he had to say. “I was planning to tell him tonight and give him something, but I realized he liked someone else...” He took off his backpack slowly, as if it was full of heavy rocks, unzipped it and revealed a red scarf. “I was gonna give him this because he’s stupid and always catches colds.” The boy bit his trembling lip, feeling the tears approach again. He didn’t look up when he felt a warm, light hand on his hair, because he didn’t want the other to see him unable to hold back from crying the second time.

“You should give it to him anyway. Maybe even tell him. I know it sounds scary, but maybe you’ll feel freer after that.” Luhan sniffed, gripping the fabric tightly and shaking his head.

“Do you want him to catch colds?” The man smiled a little, and the boy heard that in his voice, but still avoiding him, he didn’t see that it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I don’t care...” Chewing on his lip, he threw the scarf to the ground, giving up on him and giving up on every piece of joy around him, letting them melt away in the festive atmosphere, as if it had been just a raindrop falling into the ocean.

 

*

 

_Where do you have this scarf from?_

“The scarf?” Yixing looked at Luhan surprised, wondering what made him ask such a peculiar question now. “It’s Jongdae’s. I guess I forgot to return it...”

_Do you know where he got it from?_

After Luhan handed him his phone back, he felt the fabric of the scarf, or at least he attempted to, disappointment evident on his face when he couldn’t. Even so, it looked really familiar, even the loose threads at the ends looked like something he had seen a long time ago, even though it was slightly more ragged and less vibrant. He remembered how he stared at the back then new object as he pictured how the events would unfold when he would gift it to his friend.

“I don’t know... But why are you asking?” Yixing watched him curiously as he was typing yet again.

_Do you think it might be from Baekhyun? I know this scarf..._

“How so?”

_Now I know why he seemed so familiar... I met him before._ Luhan hesitated in his typing, but figured enough time had passed since the story that was slowly revealing itself to him as clearly as if he was at the carnival that night. _It was in that day when we went to that carnival, when we got separated. It was then that I met him. He was riding a dragon. And I did too, with him. It was the day..._ He paused again. _I was going to confess to you. I was going to give you that scarf, but somehow I think Baekhyun ended up having it..._

Yixing read the text several times to make sure he understood everything properly, still not believing his eyes at how oblivious he had been about his best friend’s feelings. Also, he had no idea when and if he ever stopped being oblivious. He hoped Luhan got over him quickly, but even so, he felt guilty, even though he didn’t fully understand why.

“And you... gave it to him? But why? I had been searching for you everywhere, but I didn’t think you’d be with someone else...” Yixing responded, tone neither admonishing, nor disappointed or anything alike. He now remembered how worried he had been for him and how adamantly silent he had remained despite his insistences. “And why... didn’t you tell me?”

Luhan gave him a small smile, before typing again.

_I got angry at you because you liked someone else, threw the scarf and left. I suppose he took it. And if I’m wrong and it’s not the same... well I suppose we could ask him at some point._

Yixing didn’t say anything after that, not looking at Luhan and Luhan not looking at him, just smiling to himself at the bittersweet memory being revived.

“Were you ok after that?” he asked after some time.

_I got over it pretty quickly._

Yixing couldn’t tell if he was speaking the truth, although he wanted to believe him.

“I didn’t like anyone, by the way.”

This time Luhan didn’t respond him in any way for some time. The seconds didn’t seem to be ticking away here, stagnating as they nearly forgot how and why they were sitting on this bench on this autumn night. Without Yixing noticing, Luhan resumed typing.

_I suppose that was a possibility. I was quick to assume things I guess. Well, too late to regret._

Their time was running out, most probably, but they weren’t fully aware of it, they didn’t want to be. It would be good if they could stay like that a bit more, not worrying about separation. It was getting colder, but Luhan couldn’t feel it and Yixing didn’t mind. The latter couldn’t help picturing a train arriving and taking them a way, a normal one this time. Back home or anywhere else away from here. That was wishful thinking, of course.

Some time passed when Yixing spoke again.

“What should we do? Should we... go back?”

Luhan parted his lips to say something before remembering that he couldn’t. He then just shrugged. The other sighed and rose to his feet. He couldn’t ignore reality forever.

“We don’t really have anywhere else to go, do we?” He said, resigned, and Luhan moved to follow him. Slowly and silently, they started walking in the direction they had come from, afraid of the cold facts, or at least what seemed like them. It seemed this new side of the world they had just discovered had them as well. It wasn’t all just bliss, their wishes couldn’t magically come true, not the burning ones that didn’t let them breathe. It seems that’s how it is, that’s how everything works.

 

Silent hooves trotting on the pavement – or more likely on the air above it – and equally silent wooden wheels made them look at the peculiar image of a carriage beside them, so unfit with what they were used to, but at the same time giving off the feeling that it belonged to the picture perfectly in the veil of the night. Its form was barely distinguishable in the oddly unlit portion of the road, somewhere between two lampposts. Ominous to say the least. They could catch sight of vague ornaments carved in the quaint vehicle where light managed to touch, just pinching their margins gently.

It stopped next to them, waiting. There was no one around, and the only ones who it could wait for were them, but why? For a moment, Yixing suspected Jongdae and Baekhyun were inside. They couldn’t tell. All they could see was the coachwoman’s silhouette seeming to look at them. She reminded Yixing of Baekhyun, giving that same impression that they didn’t exactly belong to this century, but neither to any other one. It seemed like time didn’t concern itself with them at all, as they fit nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

“I know you’re not aware of this, but I am here because you needed my help.” She spoke calmly, voice devoid of emotions, but not cold. She was looking at them. No. She was looking at Luhan. When Yixing realized this, he looked at his friend as well, questioning look on his face, but the latter was as confused as him.

“That’s just what I do, you don’t have to be afraid.” She continued. “You need to go somewhere, don’t you?”

The two of them looked at each other again before nodding hesitantly. They couldn’t say they were shocked by the strange occurrence, but they were unable to just accept it like this. Sensing their reluctance, the coachwoman stood up and climbed down, approaching them. Her black horses were standing there patiently, as if they already knew that Yixing and Luhan would climb inside the carriage and everything would go as everyone expected, as if they knew their future.

“My name is Byulyi. My duty is to help people whenever they need my help as long as my abilities allow me too. My duty doesn’t include helping ordinary humans, of course,” she looked at Yixing, “but that doesn’t mean I’ll help him and leave you here alone.”

“But how come you knew? He can’t even talk.”

“It’s more of a telepathic thing.”

They pondered their decision, taking a closer look to the petite woman in front of them, at her coachman hat and black jacket, at her patient, dark eyes as she awaited their answer.

Yixing pondered their options. Should they trust her or should they return to Jongdae and Baekhyun? What were they even running away from? He knew it wasn’t them specifically. He knew it was time to confront reality. Their break, their time away from being conscious of the gravity of the situation had prolonged enough. But Jongdae and Baekhyun seemed to be as clueless as them. Although they weren’t fully sure if they should trust Byulyi, maybe she could help them after all.

“We’ll go with you.” Yixing answered finally, but looking at Luhan, almost as if to check if he was alright with it. He didn’t protest in any way and they climbed inside the carriage after Byulyi opened the door for them.

The woman proceeded to close the door, but stopped herself from completing the action. She rummaged through her pockets and got a small notebook and a pen, handing them to Luhan, the gesture self-explanatory.

“Where shall we go?” She asked him, and the latter looked at Yixing.

“Not too far for now... Somewhere where we can spend the night. And... can we ask you some questions after that?”

“I will respond to the best of my abilities.” She replied on her usual empty tone before closing the door.

As they heard the sound of the hooves, the vehicle started trepidating as they sat in silence. Luhan was looking at the notebook. He had thought it useless at first, but he realized that Yixing’s phone would soon run out of battery, so they would probably need it. When he raised his head to look at Yixing, the latter was gazing out the window, evidently worried. The feeling was overwritten by amazement when the erratic movement of their ride suddenly turned smooth. If he hadn’t looked out the window again, the weird sensation in his stomach would have let him know about that fact that they weren’t on the ground anymore. Still, this wasn’t as shocking as it could have been, taking into consideration their previous experiences.

Yixing kept silent for the entirety of their journey, until the carriage landed somewhere, seemingly nowhere close to any form of civilization.

“There is a motel around here where you can get a room.” She told them after the two had hopped out of the strange vehicle. “I think you should walk behind us and hide for a bit when we reach there.” She told Luhan. “Just not to scare anyone.” He nodded and everything went as planned, at least for now, despite some funny glances Byulyi didn’t seem to care about. Luckily Yixing hadn’t left completely empty-handed, having enough money on him to pay for the room, and once they made sure no one was around, the two let Luhan in as well.

“I will leave you two to rest if you want to ask me those questions in the morning.”

“No!” The woman had barely finished her sentence when Yixing spoke. “We need to know what to do... Plus I don’t think I can rest...” He looked at his friend, presuming that now that he didn’t have a body to get tired, he wouldn’t need to sleep. When he looked at him, Luhan nodded in confirmation, even though probably not knowing what he was thinking about.

Despite being exhausted, both mentally and physically, feeling like the previous hours of his life prolonged into days, Yixing managed to tell her the whole story. Byulyi listened attentively to everything, not uttering a word or interrupting him in any way. Her expression remained impassable, frozen, and the only guarantee that she wasn’t a porcelain statue were her eyelids, closing over her eyes every now and again. She didn’t even seem to breathe.

Although unreadable, Yixing dared to hope that she had a solution for all this, that she could save them.

“I’m afraid that there’s nothing I could do for you... My powers are limited.” Yixing felt hopeless once again, but Luhan quickly opened the notebook and started to write before showing the rushed scribblings to Byulyi. His friend leaned forward a little to read as well.

_Maybe you can take us to the woman in my memory_.

When her eyes widened in surprise, Yixing thought that maybe she was a human after all, or at least something close to it.

_Or at least that’s what it seemed to be... I can’t remember any face clearly._

“The woman? You mean the one who gave us life?”

After a pause, Luhan nodded reluctantly. He believed that was what his memories were about, although he would never find the proper words to explain them to anyone else. But luckily, it didn’t seem like he needed to explain any further.

“Who is this woman you’re talking about?” Yixing intervened, although not sure he should have. Once again, he felt out of place here, a well-known sentiment.

Byulyi shifted her gaze to him and then back to Luhan, seeming to hesitate, a mix of barely visible confusion and concern present on her features. The way she was fidgeting with her thumbs made her appear younger than the initial impression she gave off made her seem, despite her sober, dark attire.

“She’s our goddess of sorts... But she doesn’t like being called that. We call her Mother mostly. We’re all born thanks to her basically... She guides us and takes care of us before we come into this world... before we become humans.”

Yixing listened, amazed by the story, but again, not entirely shocked. Tired as he was, he was aware that he still had to process the information he just received. All these new discoveries made the last couple of days seem like weeks. He was still struggling to take everything in. He only spoke after taking a minute to gather his thoughts.

“So then she could help us. Can you help us find her?”

Byulyi sighed, burrows furrowed as she looked down, pondering the possibilities.

“She usually doesn’t intervene in people’s lives. Either because she doesn’t have the power to or she thinks it’s not right. I only saw her once in my life, and that’s because I’m not really a normal human being. But I can try to take you to her, even though... I don’t know how it will go.”

“Would she... get angry by any chance?”

Even though the question wasn’t directed to him, Luhan shook his head, out of a strange instinct. He wasn’t why it compelled him to think that, but he presumed it was because of his hazy memories from before he was born. Thinking about them was weird and tiring and paradoxically a little scary, despite how cozy they were, but he couldn’t help doing it, trying to feel them more clearly. They were mostly just feelings, what could have been senses merged into each other with no clear delimitations. If he had to compare it with something earthly, something akin to a human experience, he’d probably think it was like waking up on a soft bed after a nice dream you could barely remember, with the warm sun shining in and maybe someone dear next to you. Someone who made you feel like that was definitely too gentle to get angry at them and to reject them.

“No. Never. I don’t think so.” Byulyi corroborated his convictions immediately. “You don’t have to be afraid. Only prepared for a refusal.”

Once again, Yixing looked at Luhan, tacitly asking if he agreed with everything, if they should go look for her. The latter nodded with a tiny smile, which was enough to make his friend just a bit more hopeful.

 

The only thing Byulyi felt when she settled on her seat, ready to go, was a slight uneasiness. She didn’t remember when the last time she saw Mother was exactly. All she knew for sure was that it had been years ago, after she gave her this new life. After all that time, she had lost all hope that they would get to meet again, but that didn’t exactly bother Byulyi. She had helped her, and her generosity and love was enough for her. She was content like that.

Now though, these two people appeared and all of a sudden she felt nervous. This confused her. But if she were to think about the reason why for a bit, she would realize that she actually wished to meet her again, she missed her. It wasn’t something she couldn’t live without, she wasn’t desperate to see Mother again, but if she were to, she would be pleased. She wasn’t sure if that was happiness. She wasn’t sure if what she was feeling now was sadness or longing. She was beginning to forget the meaning of those words. She probably wouldn’t be too disappointed either is they were to fail in their endeavor, because hoping they would see each other was difficult. The possibility seemed unreal, improbable.

 

Needless to say, Yixing didn’t have a smooth sleep that night, tossing and turning every few minutes, having dreams that he didn’t quite remember, but remembered well enough to feel uneasy because of them. He tried to calm down as much as possible, because he knew Luhan was there with him, possibly growing restless himself, and that was the last thing he wanted. And even though he asked about his dreams, Yixing couldn’t tell him that he had been there as well, because that dream was the opposite of everything he hoped for.

That night, time flew by so slowly when all he wanted was to at least get inside that woman’s carriage with Luhan and live the illusion of trying to do something, even though they were just waiting for someone else to help them.

When they finally found themselves in the vehicle next to each other, Yixing attempted to ignore the fact that he couldn’t see his friend as clearly as before, blaming the fact on fatigue and the morning white, milky light that fell on their bodies through the small windows.

The air was still cold and Yixing was still wearing Jongdae’s scarf, or whoever it should have belonged to. He still kept in mind the fact that he should return it to him soon and couldn’t stay away from Baekhyun and Jongdae forever. The gloominess of the morning hung heavily all around them, as if nature itself was tense and scared of what might happen. The skies were maybe going to weep soon.

Like last night, the carriage started trembling against the bumps of the hard pavement only for a while, before taking off towards the sky. This time around they could see everything better than last night, but not as well as they could when they flew on the dragon’s back. Yixing preferred the latter, but he couldn’t deny that this one felt a lot safer.

Neither of them communicated in any form while on their way, both nervous and maybe having nothing worth of saying, maybe except potential comforting words, for which though, they felt too weak to utter or scribble. They only gazed out the window, occasionally checking upon one another just with their eyes, and the more he did so, the more restless Yixing grew. He tried to conceal it as best as he could, wondering if Luhan was aware of what was happening to himself. He figured that if he was, he might have not mentioned it intentionally. They were running out of time.

Yixing wondered if he could somehow tell Byulyi to go faster, but the carriage was already unstable because of the blowing wind. The sky, as well, became alarmingly gray. As they went further and further, the weather grew more violent. The wind had more strength and now the vehicle swung erratically in all directions.

Nonetheless, they didn’t stop. Either due to her sense of duty or to the fact that she was aware of how desperate the two of them were, Byulyi kept trying to drive them as much as she could, kept trying to find that place only she and a few others knew about. She couldn’t admit defeat in front of the upcoming storm, even though she felt the pricks of cold raindrops on her skin like warnings. After about thirty minutes, it started pouring, but even so, she kept on going, albeit starting to lose her determination and belief that she would find her way now. After another fifteen minutes, however, she was convinced that her efforts were futile and maybe they should try some other time, when the weather was more gentle.

 

The three found themselves back in the motel room, two of them drenched, while Luhan seemed lost, standing there as if he was sorry, but not sure why, as if he wanted to help, but didn’t know how. Yixing was sitting on the edge of the bed, dejected and trembling, while Byulyi didn’t even seem to notice that she was soaked to the bone.

“I’m sorry.” She said in the end. “We can try again after the storm stops.”

“It’s ok, thank you for trying.” Yixing responded sincerely, although half-heartedly, every now and again looking at Luhan. He couldn’t help but stare at him sometimes, feeling the irrational fear that if he were to look away, the next time he would try to see him he wouldn’t be there anymore, vanished. They had no time to waste. He prayed that the storm would calm down soon.

However, that day, the weather only became more and more violent. Yixing was losing his patience, and in the process he didn’t even realize that his initial main purpose was preventing himself from dying. The fact was still somewhere in the back of his mind, but all he could really think about now was Luhan, who was just sitting there quietly, unmoving, as if trying not to disturb anyone. He wondered what he felt, he wished he had been able to talk to him, really talk, not just scribbling on a piece of paper.

 

When Byulyi was about to leave their room and Yixing stopped her, she realized that she couldn’t remember the last time another human cared about her, at least not to such an extent, which, of course, wasn’t much probably. She hesitated at first, but complied after all, smiling just a tiny bit, although the other didn’t seem to notice. She figured that was for the best, although she couldn’t exactly tell why. Maybe because she had lived in a certain way up until now, comfortably, and braking the habit just didn’t feel right.

Spending the day with them, she couldn’t not notice how much they cherished one another. After a long time in a while she was envious, she longed for something. Until then she had been grateful enough for the life she was living, and she hoped this sentiment was temporary. All she had to do was to fulfil her duty quietly. Even so, for a few moments she wondered... what if Mother would listen to her wishes as well?

 

After a slightly not so restless night as the one before, after the storm seemed to have stopped completely, they were eager to leave again. The sky was clear this time around, and they were all a little more hopeful. And although still worried about Luhan, Yixing was just a little relieved that he seemed the same as yesterday and his state didn’t seem to have aggravated. Even though he didn’t write anything on the notebook he was still keeping with him, the boy tried to reassure him every now and again with a smile. It wasn’t too convincing, but it had the tiniest effect.

When half an hour passed since the left, Byulyi grew restless, realizing not only they were not anywhere close to any of the doors to Mother’s home, scattered all over this world, but that she also didn’t know what direction she should head to. Although she had never endeavored to visit her before, she knew that if she tried, she could find her, always aware of that invisible compass that would guide her if she allowed herself to be guided. This time though, she was lost. For the first time in a few years she panicked. It seemed these couple of days were full of first times.

After roaming aimlessly around the sky for another fifteen minutes and after managing to calm down and gather her thoughts, she concluded that this couldn’t be her fault. The only logical conclusion was that they weren’t meant to go there in the first place, otherwise, they would have long reached their destination. Even so, maybe that was still a failure. She didn’t want to give Yixing and Luhan the bad news, so she didn’t give up yet, even though it was fairly obvious to her that any effort was useless now. She tried some more, pulled by her horses above barren landscapes, desolate of people.

But in the end, the only thing she could do was to go back to where they started. Seeing the disappointed faces made her feel guilty, but she tried to explain the situation as best as she could, hoping that they would understand that it didn’t depend on her this time. Although dejected, they didn’t seem to be mad at her, which was a temporary relief, which quickly dissipated when she noticed something in the corner of her eye, something coppery and moving. The flapping of dragon wings.

Byulyi stared at it for a few moments, impassive, at the person on the creature’s back. The trace of anger on his face was quickly subdued as it was replace by relief. They were Yixing’s and Luhan’s friend, no doubt.

“Do you have any idea how worried I was?” He close to yelled as he stepped on the ground, heading towards the three of them, reminiscent of an angry parent after finding his runaway child.

“I’m sorry...” Yixing responded, with a sliver of regret evident on his face. “But we were trying to solve everything. We found her and we thought she might know more than you so-“

“You could have told us too!” Jongdae burst, and everyone remained silent for a while.

“Sorry... We were kind of in a hurry...” He glanced at Luhan, and the others followed his gaze. The latter couldn’t bring himself to look any of them in the eye as he seemed like he could run away and hide any moment now due to all the attention on him. Luckily, it didn’t last much, although they all seemed to understand the urgency of the situation, even Luhan himself. He was not unaware that he was rapidly running out of time here.

The reunion was awkward and unlike any of them expected, but that didn’t matter. All the explanations needed were over after a few words. Now all they had to do was come up with a plan, but that was easier said than done. Their hope was thinning as their only solution didn’t seem to be available anymore. But Yixing wouldn’t give up just yet. He accepted Byulyi’s words reluctantly, not very convinced that it was just ‘not meant to be’. That was not a valid argument to him.

“We should go back first.” Jongdae sighed. “No. If you have a place to stay then I’ll bring Baekhyun back. And your things.”

 

When all of them found themselves in the same room, after inspecting Yixing and Luhan, Baekhyun’s eyes lingered on the one who was a stranger to him for a while. Or was it, really? He couldn’t shake off the impression that Byulyi’s face was familiar and that they’ve, maybe, met somewhere before. The fact that he couldn’t remember right away bothered him, but he forced himself to focus on more important things for now.

“So you went to find Mother...” Baekhyun was standing aside, somewhat separate from all the others, as per usual.

“Do you know her too?” Yixing spoke, from his spot next to Luhan, as it has always been during the last couple of days. Sometimes, he had that suffocating kind of concern, the one resembling the care of a mother. His friend was used to it, he had even missed it because of the times they had been separated. But he wasn’t grateful for the circumstances that allowed him to be met with it again.

“Of course I know her. But I only met her once.”

“How?” For the first time, Byulyi spoke to him, showing an impatience Luhan and Yixing hadn’t witnessed before from her.

“It was after I... No, that’s not important.” His voice died out slowly. “I’m not sure, it’s not like I had a map or anything... It’s weird but it was just like... I could feel what the right way was...” Everyone stared at him for a bit, without uttering a word. After a bit, Byulyi looked down, disappointed. But even if she felt like that, these last days she felt more alive than ever and even for that, she was unexpectedly grateful. But of course, she couldn’t express that in front of anyone, not now and probably never.

“I know it sounds... corny and stupid, but... That’s just how it is.”

“Yeah... maybe it’s better that way.” Byulyi spoke. “Otherwise everyone would be going and coming as they please. It would be chaotic, right?” She didn’t look up, but she could feel Baekhyun’s eyes on her, maybe just a bit more than normal.

“I guess.” He responded in the end. “Maybe I could try to find her again.” A new glimpse of hope lit in Yixing’s eyes at the words.

“You... but...” Byulyi started, but quickly gave up, keeping her thoughts to herself. If there was a chance he could help, they should take it, even though the idea that he succeeded when she failed at this bothered her. She would be disappointed in herself if that were the case, but there were more crucial things to be concerned about.

“I know you’re probably more fit for this.” Baekhyun addressed her, startling Byulyi. “But it’s my fault for this. I should take responsibility.” Once again, his gaze lingered on her a few seconds more than it would be normal. “Did we meet somewhere?...” he close to whispered. So that was why he was staring at her.

“No... I don’t believe we did.” She answered after thinking for a while, although she was pretty sure they couldn’t have met, at least not recently. And if it was about the past... It would have been a really distant one, and having met this person then seemed impossible.

“Ah... sorry then. You just have a very familiar face.” He quickly turned to Yixing and Luhan, dismissing the subject quickly, although his words hadn’t been too convincing. “I think we should go.”

 

*

 

Baekhyun figured "The Dragon with a Chocolate Heart" was a silly title, but it probably worked for a kids book. Why his high school classmate was reading it, that he couldn't understand. He was slightly curious about the plot. At some point he managed to peek at the resume on the back cover. He didn't read it all before he was discovered. He smiled sheepishly when Minseok peeked at him over the edge of the book, surprised but not seeming to mind him snooping.  

"Nice... book." Baekhyun wasn't bad at talking, quite skillful otherwise, not when it concerned books. He could manage a film adaptation.

"Thanks..." now Minseok seemed to become self-conscious and realize his classmate was talking to him. "It's... uh... I like it. Don't mind the _children_ label."

"No, of course not, it doesn't matter." Saying those things, he realized that it really didn't matter, and maybe that's why Minseok liked him slightly more than the other friends he had in their class. He soon discovered that there were a lot of other things he didn't mind.

"So you didn't read the whole premise." Minseok said to him some other day, after class, somewhere in an empty playground. Baekhyun suggested stopping there as they were passing by, going home together for the first time in many. His tone was rather teasing, and the other boy, once again, felt a little self-conscious, but the uncomfortable feeling disappeared soon, as he realized Baekhyun didn't have any kind of ill intent. He figured he was the type of person who played around and preferred the other person to come up with a cruder comeback. He didn't have any of that at the moment.

“No.”

“But it sounded silly anyway, right?”

“It did. But now I think it’s cute.”

“What is?”

“You reading that.”

Minseok laughed, Baekhyun’s word sounded half like a joke and he wasn’t sure if he should take them seriously. He did a little, but he pretended not to.

“Do you believe in dragons?” he changed the subject.

“I don’t know... not really. Not until I see one with my own two eyes.” Baekhyun responded lazily swinging, old familiar creaks filling the autumn air. “You?”

“Yeah I guess. If you don’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Like air. You believe in air I presume.”

“Who knows?”

Like the way he believed in air, Baekhyun believed in Minseok too, and soon the latter found out that Baekhyun changed his opinion about dragons for some reason, and never changed his opinion on him. Despite not being a mythological being, Minseok felt similar to those creatures in stories – and more – because even though Baekhyun had probably never met someone like him before, he still believed in him. The only one who did.

He believed in her when she tried wearing a dress for the first time, and when she let him do her makeup for the first time and even after everything ended. He would never see her again. Or so he thought in tears.

 

*

 

Baekhyun was evidently hesitant to do this as they climbed on Yeol’s back, only the three of them, him Luhan and Yixing, after Jongdae assured them that the dragon would probably behave properly even without him. He grew to see Baekhyun as a friend as well, and he trusted him as much as he trusted Jongdae. Even so, the man was cautious, not because of the animal, but because of an unexplained reason, unknown to the two other friends. They were told not to sit too close to Baekhyun as much as possible in the limited space, and they complied to the best of their capabilities.

“If possible... don’t touch me. For your own good.” The last part was unnecessary, as it was already obvious from his tone that he himself was pained by this apparent, vague danger that he thought surrounded him. Unlike Yixing’s very first impression of him, Baekhyun was selfless, and the former hoped he would live to discover why, even though maybe it wasn’t his business to know. Nonetheless he was grateful and also feeling partly guilty. If it weren’t for him they wouldn’t be in this situation. But if it weren’t for him, Luhan would probably have no chance of living. Even though maybe it wouldn’t help at all, Yixing couldn’t imagine his best friend not being alive, not being anywhere in this world, no matter how far away from him.

That’s why he tried to ignore his arms around his waist, even more translucent than before and the weakness of his grip.

“Do you think you can find that place? Can you feel it like that time?” Yixing asked and Baekhyun took in a deep breath before responding.

“I don’t know... I think so, but... It might just be my impression. I really hope it’s not.”

After that, they didn’t say anything as they flew on a now bright sky. Yixing presumed Baekhyun was concentrating, and he hoped that their chances would be better if he didn’t speak. Anyhow, he didn’t have anything important to say, so he just waited for the other to find the way, without asking any question.

He noticed that they were soaring higher and higher, more so than Byulyi ever did when she was with them, so he dared think that Baekhyun didn’t fail in his endeavor. He felt his stomach churning anxiously because of his own expectations. They were soon surrounded by the white softness of a thick blanket of clouds. He couldn’t help wonder if it was formed of souls gathered together, having lost any life trails that might have lingered behind in their amorphous bodies. He rested his hand on Luhan’s.

“I think we found it.” Baekhyun uttered and Yixing almost didn’t hear his words. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath.

They stopped ascending and just flew deeper into the clouds while everything became more and more opaque, until no blue patch of the sky was visible anymore. It was like a cliché vision of heaven. Soon, at Baekhyun’s gentle command, or rather plea, the dragon landed - although that probably isn’t the right word – on the clouds, which now seemed a puffy carpet. The creature wobbled a bit, evidently confused by the unexpectedly solid surface he stepped on.

Baekhyun was the first one to descent, while the other two watched, still unsure.

“It’s ok. You can come down, nothing will happen.” He said with a tiny smile. He moved forward, raising his hand just a bit, as if to help them down, but then quickly letting it down and looking away. It was a reflex he still had to work on.

The first careful step Yixing took was misleadingly soft. It felt like he would fall right through, and it wouldn’t even be such a surprise. He probably shouldn’t even be here in the first place. But when Baekhyun encouraged him once more, he allowed himself to step properly, although still holding onto Yeol and wobbling just like he did just a few seconds earlier. He didn’t fall.

He managed to help Luhan down as well, not expecting him to have any problem, but the latter still did the same thing as him, holding onto him. Yixing wasn’t sure but he thought Luhan was dizzy as well, not only confused because of the unusual surroundings.

“Why are you keeping yourself far from everyone?” Yixing asked Baekhyun in the end. It was probably not the right time, but he was afraid that that time would never come. Maybe later would be too late to ask. He didn’t expect him to reply sincerely, but the other did.

“It’s my fault this is happening.” He sighed. “All those tales and sayings about us are true after all... So I’m trying to at least not get too close... not to cause too much trouble. I don’t know if that helps though. Anyway, I thought you noticed already.” He smiled bitterly. “I hope these gloves help a bit. Yeol seems fine.” He looked at the dragon, with a smile so fragile it seemed like he’d break into tears any second. But he didn’t.

“I don’t think it’s your fault...” Yixing’s comment went unheard, or at least it seemed like that, as Baekhyun turned around and started to walk.

They followed him closely, choosing their steps carefully and holding hands almost by reflex. There was nothing to be seen, and neither of the two knew what to expect. Probably something outstanding, otherworldly. Some kind of sanctuary, an all-powerful being glowing with kindness. But after walking for a while, there was nothing like that to be seen, only more and more clouds. Gradually, they began thin out, slivers of sky now visible.

“Is this... the right place?” Yixing asked.

“Yes.”

The next moment, the clouds swallowed Baekhyun completely. The others faltered, but soon followed in his wake, expecting to be surrounded by the thick foam-like material. Everything was becoming more and more like a dream. Yixing felt a gentle pressure on his skin as he tightened his grip on Luhan’s hand. After that, everything became clear. The clouds were left behind, and the sky was stretching above them, solid ground underneath their feet. They stalled, looking around, looking behind. There they saw a thicket of trees and beyond the edge, it only  got darker and darker, nothing more.

They were baffled by this for a couple of seconds before turning back around to look around them. A small, cozy-looking house was standing in front of them, welcoming under the clear azure of the sky. A short, rusty, but still elegant fence was surrounding it, a gate ajar, waiting for them. They followed Baekhyun through it, looking at the normalcy of it all in amazement and admiration. A flower garden laid in front of the building. Roses and tulips and irises and daffodils were mingled with one another almost chaotically, but the eclectic colors and scents were pleasant nonetheless. Small flower pots decorated the window sills as well, visible from the outside.

In front of the door lied what seemed to be a white mat of sorts, but as they climbed the few stairs that led to it, they discovered that some kind of creature was apparently sleeping there, covered by something between fur and a cloud, the curve of its body ascending and descending slowly with every breath. The only distinguished features were its ears, pointy, twitching every now and again, but they couldn’t tell if they looked more like cat or dog ears or something else entirely. It was otherworldly, the only thing that could possibly remind them that they weren’t on earth.

When it felt them close, it opened its big, violet eyes and looked up at them curiously. The way they glistened in the sunlight was reminiscent of the starry night sky, and the way they contrasted with the light fur was strikingly beautiful.

“Guys, meet Seulgi.  It seems Mother is not home...”

“How do you know?!” Yixing’s heart became heavy again all of a sudden at those words.

“It’s usually inside. When she leaves it’s always waiting for her here, like this... Sure, we could check if you want.” Baekhyun said as if having read his mind, although it was just the obvious course of action, not anything hard to guess.

The creature scurried away as he opened the door without the courtesy of knocking. Even inside, the home seemed extraordinarily normal, so much so that it reminded Yixing of his grandparents’ home. The kitchen was neat, with various utensils arranged in a satisfying order and jars of different contents in cupboards in the same fashion, which made him and Luhan wonder if they were decorations or really edible. Even a faint cinnamon scent tickled their senses subtly. It wasn’t morning as far as they knew, but here the sun seemed to have just risen, scattering its light playfully over every piece of metal or glass it could find.

Looking at Luhan, Yixing couldn’t not notice how at peace he looked despite everything, and he could see why. Despite his own anxiousness from just several moments ago, this place calmed him down. When Luhan took in a deep breath, Baekhyun frowned a little as he had seen it.

“You shouldn’t do that... You don’t need to breathe.” He spoke softly, as if aware of the inherent peace of the room and was keen on keeping it intact. “I know you probably did it out of reflex but you’ll just vanish quicker if you do that.” Despite his mien, his voice was just dripping with concern and nothing else, and Luhan nodded obediently.

They visited every other room to convince themselves that she really wasn’t there. They were as cozy as the kitchen, in their own particular ways. The hearth in the living room made Yixing try to imagine her in front of a fire, warming up. No matter how unclear the figure was, he couldn’t help but picture an ordinary woman.

“We should go back. She’s not here. And if neither I nor Byulyi can find her... I think... I think she was right.”

 

Despite Yixing’s wish to stay and wait for her, Baekhyun didn’t let them there, aware that it might take days until Mother returned home. He knew that despite only having met her once. He couldn’t forget her so humanly side, the way she talked to him as if they were friends, as if Baekhyun was part of her family. And maybe he was after all. Maybe everyone was part of her family. He didn’t know much, but he knew they shouldn’t be wasting time here. And he also knew he was afraid.

Of course they had to find her, of course they had to request her advice, of course he had to get over the fear that she might be mad at him because he destroyed or almost destroyed someone’s life yet again.

Of course he blamed himself when Yixing was crying back in their motel room after they reached Jongdae and Byulyi without Luhan.

 

Jongdae hugged him, doing his best to comfort him and to convince him that what happened to Luhan was normal and it was how it should have been and that at least now he was at peace. Nothing he said appeared to work and he was aware of that, but he still tried anyway, albeit less and less, in the end not saying anything and just being there next to Yixing.

As usual, Baekhyun kept himself afar, and this time, Byulyi did as well, although it was difficult in the small room. But despite that, the small distance between them seemed bigger than normal, every one deep into their own thoughts. She tried not to look at the crying young man, not to pry into his suffering, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Not yet. She wasn’t sure what it was, but there was still something she needed to do. Otherwise she would have been gone by now.

 

Byulyi only left the room as the evening came and Yixing fell asleep after weeping so much. She felt sorry for him, but there was a small part of her that envied him, envied them all. She didn’t remember when the last time she cried was, and she couldn’t say that she ever felt like crying but was unable to, not now, not in this life. She couldn’t cry, and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. But she couldn’t feel much else either. She hadn’t thought about such things before, at least not to this extent, but this urge suddenly grew inside her after meeting these people. And despite all this, despite their misfortune, she felt grateful that she had the chance of meeting them, her and not anyone else that could have arrived to Yixing and Luhan before her. For a while she felt like she somehow belonged there, even though it was only her duty to help them. Too bad it couldn’t last longer.

She sat there, back against her carriage as she watched the night turn darker between the tree trunks they were nestled in, the two black horses gradually losing their forms and camouflaging into the background of the same color.

She looked to the side when she heard the grass rustling under feet. She watched the spot from where the sound was coming somewhat curiously until she soon saw Jongdae’s silhouette approaching her.

“Am I bothering you?” He said as he stopped next to the carriage.

“No. What is it?” She couldn’t distinguish his features in the darkness, but judging by his tone there was nothing crucial he was going to talk about. Her instincts, too, if she could call them that, told her that he wasn’t going to ask her for any favor. Which was unusual, because most people were only talking to her about that.

“I... wanted to say thank you. I don’t know if any of us got to say this, but it didn’t seemed like it. We were all caught up in our own problems and...” She was able to catch the movement of his shoulders as he shrugged.

Byulyi has been thanked before so it wasn't in and of itself an unexpected thing. Only she didn't expect anyone to go out of their way to say that to her, especially any of the people she was helping now, in this sensitive situation. So in a weird way, she herself was grateful for that. She smiled without realizing, and probably without Jongdae seeing it either.

"You don't have to thank me, that's what I need to do. And I'm probably not leaving soon, I don't think I'm done here." And despite how much she wanted to be done, she wasn't looking forward to leaving them.

"How are you so sure?"

"Well I have to know... I'm not sure, it's an instinct. Yixing still needs me..."

"Does your instinct tell you who needs your help too?"

"No... that was what I concluded."

 

"Please take me to Luhan's grave."

In the morning, Byulyi realized that her conclusion had been right. She had been ready for it and was immediately ready to go. The others were probably still sleeping, but she didn't feel the need to wake them up and let them know they were leaving. Jongdae would know not to panic when he saw Yixing and Byulyi both missing.

The sun was barely beginning to light up the horizon when the young man came up to her, as if he had been awake, waiting for the daybreak, as if that would clear his mind and his heart. It probably did. She noticed he was calm now, body still, not trembling anymore, voice steady and eyes dry. For now at least.   

After some pondering, before he climbed inside the vehicle, Byulyi told him,                 

"I'm sorry for what happened."

Yixing didn't try to smile or even look at her, but he gave a small nod, and she could tell that despite the pain, he still had enough space in his heart to be grateful to her. A little funny how she could read people by just tiny gestures when her own feelings were such a mess. At least lately, they had become quite like that. She felt them grow inside her, but she didn't have anywhere to place them, no one to direct them towards.

So they left and the whole world seemed to be quiet. Even her horses' trot was muted this morning.

The journey was short, like her journeys usually were, but seemed longer than normal.

Guided by instincts, Byulyi didn’t even look at the Earth sweeping beneath them, and neither did Yixing, deep into his suffocating thoughts. Even when he felt the vehicle slowly ascend until it finally landed on soft grass, he still didn’t move. Maybe he didn’t realize they arrived, Byulyi presumed as she opened the door. She didn’t say a word, waiting a couple of seconds before he stepped out.

His knees felt weak when he saw the sea of graves, wondering which one belonged to Luhan, but afraid of actually finding it. He waited for Byulyi to show him the way, assuming she could lead him towards it, but after a few seconds in which nothing happened, he looked back to her, seeing her frozen in place. Her eyes were wide, glued to a certain spot. As he followed her gaze, Yixing saw a person standing there, in front of one of the graves. He hadn’t noticed her before, or rather he did notice her, but he thought nothing of it. She could have easily seen them coming from the sky, and he wondered if Byulyi was scared because of that possibility. But when he looked at her again, he realized that there was no sign of fear in her expression, only surprise.

“Who-“ he started asking, but the girl didn’t even notice, interrupting him.

“Mother...”

Yixing looked back at the silhouette of what looked like a normal girl, taken aback by the sudden realization.

“What is she doing here?”

“Visiting someone I suppose.” Byulyi stepped in front of him, heading towards her rather hesitantly, and he followed her closely, nervous and, at the same time, wondering if she could have made some kind of mistake. The more they approached her, the more normal she seemed.

"Mother..." Byulyi whispered, stopping some distance away from her, as if pondering if she should step closer.

A gentle smile formed on her lips as she responded, although there was still sadness in her eyes.

"Byulyi." Then she looked at the young man. "Yixing." Surprised, he supposed that it was the first sign that the being standing before them wasn't a human. Despite this, she still seemed so. He didn't respond as he didn't know what a proper reply would be. He nervously gripped the hems of his sleeves. Not knowing even if he should look at her, he averted his eyes to the grave, reading the name that didn't tell him anything. Kang Seulgi.

He wasn't hoping to meet her anymore, and he had to, once again, gather his courage and determination to request for her help.                             

"Mother... we were looking for you. I couldn't find you... I suppose you didn't want me to."

"I needed some time for myself, yes. You are partly right." Her smile didn't falter, and when she spoke, Yixing looked at her again, noticing that she seemed older than she looked. "But it's alright. I might not have the right to that."

“That’s not true-“

“Why are you here?” This time, she spoke looking at Yixing, who was taken aback despite the gentleness of her voice. He kept silent for a while, gathering his words and trying to explain the situation to the best of his ability.

“A lot of things have happened lately... but I’m only here for my friend.” She continued to eye him curiously. It meant that she couldn’t read his mind, or maybe she was just pretending to not be capable of it. But he believed her, he trusted her.  She was nothing like he had attempted to imagine her to be, but he couldn’t find it in himself to doubt her.

He told her everything that had happened during the past days, feeling that he was telling tales spreading over months. Maybe it was because he had been used to almost nothing interesting happening in his life up until that point and his mind only hyperbolized everything, the fresh memories, despite that, alive and feelings’ intensity blooming even brighter when he recalled every moment. Including hope. He had omitted some details he considered unimportant for her to find out about, summarizing his story to the main points, especially his best friend.

She listened carefully, and that only encouraged Yixing more.

“You’re not here for yourself at all?” She asked, but she was not surprised at his selflessness. Byulyi wasn’t either.

“No. I just want you to save him. Please. I’ll do anything for that, I’ll even... I’ll even sacrifice myself if I must.” He felt Byulyi’s gaze on him at the words, but luckily she didn’t say anything. “It’s not fair, it’s just not fair... if it’s some kind of destiny thing I don’t believe it.” As he spoke, Yixing observed the deity’s expression, and the more he looked at her, the more he was convinced that she was going to refuse to help him. But there was a small part of him that thought that maybe he could persuade her. Even if his eyes welled up with tears as he continued, he had to try. “Please...” He said again, seeing that he received no response. “He can’t just disappear like this...” He remembered how much his friend wanted to do, so much that he didn’t get to accomplish. He wanted to have a family, he wanted to sing, he wanted to have a dog, he wanted to travel the world. Simple things maybe, most of them. More of a reason Luhan had to live.

“Yixing, so many people die young... And as much as I’d like to help Luhan, it wouldn’t be fair for them.”

Of course Yixing knew, deep down inside, even though he didn’t have the time to really consider it. Only Luhan mattered to him now.

“Those are just excuses!” He heard himself blurt out, and he couldn’t stop himself from continuing, “You wouldn’t say that if you were in my place. You’d bring him back without thinking!” His fists were trembling and he tried his best to hold back his tears. He could see her opening her mouth before closing it beyond the water invading his vision. He blinked to see her clearly. Her expression had changed into something he didn’t know how to read. She seemed somewhere between angry and disappointed. And pitying. There was also pity. And maybe some other things Yixing didn’t have time to look too deep into.

“So that’s what you think...” For a split second, she glanced at the grave in front of which she had been standing, and he suddenly regretted his words. He was desperate and rash, but he was apparently mistaken.

“I’m sorry...” He took in a deep breath, attempting to calm down. “I don’t know... what happened to you, but... I’m still begging you to help him, please...” She didn’t look at him anymore, and as the seconds passed he realized how flowed she was, contrary to what he had expected. How human she was. Looking down, she shook her head. But she seemed to hesitate for some reason, she seemed ready to give in.

“If it’s about me... I don’t care what happens to me.” He did, but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t as important as his best friend.

“Please, don’t say that... Whatever happens I wouldn’t harm you in anyway. Because I love you. I love you all. And that’s why I can’t do it. I shouldn’t.”

Yixing could feel all the strength he previously gathered within himself fade away and he allowed himself to cry. He felt slim fingers sliding beyond his. Byulyi held his hand sympathetically and before he could realize it, she was dragging him away, like a mom dragging her kid home when he was unwilling to return.

 

“Wait for me here for a bit.” Byulyi told him once he was back inside her carriage. She didn’t want to leave him there alone crying, once again, but he probably didn’t need her right now. She wasn’t sure, not this time. She couldn’t tell, and she blamed that on the supposition that Yixing was confused. He was a mess and no one could blame him.

“A-Are you going to try to persuade her?” He asked between sniffs, but there was almost no hope left in the question.

“I will try...”

                                                               

“What will happen to Yixing?” Byulyi asked, finding her in the exact same spot she had been when they left.

“He will get over Luhan’s death like we all do.”

“No, I mean... will he live? Baekhyun said-“

“Oh.” Both Mother and Yixing seemed to have forgotten that part of the problem. She supposed that there was nothing to worry about, so that was why she didn’t felt the need to clarify that when the young man was still here. But she still had to make sure. That and she felt like leaving now would be too early. It felt like nothing was solved, even though it was some kind of resolution to the whole situation, albeit a painful one.

“Yes, of course. There’s no such thing as a curse or anything like that on the train, like people believe.” She spoke, and Byulyi could tell than even though she seemed to pay full attention to her, there was a lot on her mind.

“So Baekhyun is wrong...”

Mother sighed, “Yes... he is... under a lot of pressure...” She frowned, looking down at the grave, but eyes not focused on anything in particular, that name blurred on her vision like a ghost. She was free now, somewhere in a river, gliding along the current, or floating on a lake’s surface, or caressing a shore somewhere.

“Mother...” Byulyi uttered after a few moments of silence. She didn’t know how to continue. She told Yixing that she’d try convincing her some more, but she couldn’t bring herself to find the right words. She also came to talk about something else, but again, she couldn’t find the right words. Mother looked at her, seeing how she opened and closed her mouth a few times without a single sound, avoiding her gaze.

“What is it, my Byulyi?” She smiled, and Byulyi almost burst in tears. She had forgotten how Mother called her that a few times, in the beginning. It came back to her all of a sudden, and after so much of feeling nearly nothing, now it seemed like she belonged somewhere. She knew she didn’t. Not here and probably nowhere else. But, for a few moments, she allowed herself to be fooled.

She only allowed herself to cry when Mother embraced her.

She knew she probably wasn’t the one that was supposed to cry now, but she couldn’t help herself. She did so for a while, burying her face in Mother’s shoulder, feeling her hand, so light and soft, caressing her hair.

“I’m sorry...” She sobbed, wiping her tears. “I don’t want to be ungrateful for this life you gave me... I really don’t. I wish I could say it’s perfect, but it’s not... but I guess nothing really is... I should just go. Thank you, Mother.” She pulled away, looking in her eyes as Mother gazed back at her, endlessly gentle.

“No. I’m sorry. I should have just given you a normal life like you deserved... not this.”

Byulyi wondered what she did to deserve her kindness, to deserve Mother breaking her own rules for her. She couldn’t understand. Maybe Mother didn’t understand either. Byulyi thought she was flawless, she was wise, but even as she realized it was not so true, her love didn’t diminish.

 

 

 

Yixing was grateful and also hesitant when Jongdae offered to accompany him all the way home.

“I understand you don’t want me bothering you,” He had said, “but I can be quiet as well. And I can’t stand to see you like that... alone...” _For the last time_. He didn’t add that. Later, he figured that it didn’t have to be the last time. If Yixing let him, maybe he would get to find out where he lived. And Yixing did let him.

That much was reasonably to be expected. That and the story Yixing managed to tell Jongdae without crying, the one about the old scarf that was actually rightfully his. Jongdae waving temporary goodbye to Yeol and kissing him on the snout was also something heartwarming and expected. What was unexpected though were Byulyi and Baekhyun, who showed up at the train station even after saying goodbye once, demanding Yixing to buy them tickets as well. Baekhyun did, at least. He wasn’t wearing gloves anymore.

 

Another unexpected event occurred several weeks later, when Yixing's mother announced she was pregnant. Something inside him told him that it wasn't just a coincidence, even though that thought didn't make sense. He was only sure of it when Byulyi confirmed that his friend has indeed returned to him. The relief came with apologies from her, telling him that she couldn't tell him before as, even if Mother had let her know, she wasn't sure until it really happened.

"Indeed, Luhan was reborn."

Yixing cried happy tears, despite finding out that he wouldn’t have any of their memories and would probably never recall them. But there was a sliver of hope, knowing that even before, Luhan remembered more than a normal human would.

It didn't matter that much. They would make new memories anyway.

 

 

*

 

 

Luhan mostly dragged Yixing towards the little bakery in the corner of the street, or at least that’s what his two-year-old self believed. The bell of his favorite place chimed when his cousin pushed the door, which was a little too heavy for him, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Uncle Baekhyun welcomed him with a grin.

“Look who’s here!”

The toddler’s hand slipped out of Yixing’s as he wobbled over to the man, who lifted him and held him in his arms like he always did. Uncle Baekhyun always smelled like something sweet and that’s why Luhan liked him, but he would have done so anyway. Same for Aunt Byulyi, who appeared from the kitchen when she heard the sudden liveliness in the mostly quiet shop. She pressed a kiss against the squeaking child’s chubby cheek.

“I heard Jongdae is coming by soon.” Baekhyun told Yixing. “Hopefully not riding his dragon here in the city. You should invite your friends too, I bet they’d want to see him as well.”

Everything here was cozy and sweet and Yixing thought _The Starry Baekery_ was his favorite place too.

 

*

 

Funny that the only people close to me didn’t see any bad omen arising as I stepped in their direction or as they saw me – even not knowing it was me – flying in the sky. Funny that _I_ did. It seems I was most human of them all. Not that I ever denied that, despite everything I’ve been through, and not that that made them any less human. Simply knowing better, better than even me, that there’s no such thing as the morbid destinies people liked to imagine and make stories of. Not for me and not for anyone else. And this time around, if I were to ever fly in that train again, I wouldn’t be as afraid.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a struggle to write, and if you've reached this far, congratulations, I am honored to have occupied your time and I hope it was not a waste. Feedback is very appreciated (please, I live on comments, which means I'm basically dead)


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